Strange Days

feel the need to write, but am at a loss for anything clever to say, why do i always feel like i have to say something clever or witty? i seem to be able to be more honest and forthcoming in comments on other peoples blogs than I am with my own entries. not that it matters, no one reads this crap anyway, and i dare not put a counter on here lest i get obsessed with how many visitors i get a day. why am i so flighty? why can't i focus on anything for any length of time? laziness? short attention span? add? i've developed some bad habits as time has gone by but i find the need to be creative has grown immeasurably stronger. I feel the need to make something with my hands almost all the time now. of course i cannot answer that need many times due to other responsibilities, but its there, crawling under my skin, dying to get out.

on another note, i spoke to an aquaintance the other day...i can't say friend because even though she's been to my house a number of times for holidays, we still only speak a few times a year, she's a little odd, very talkative and tends to spout off at the strangest times about the weirdest shit. She cornered Joe last christmas dinner and out-talked him, made him quite uncomfortable. lol at any rate, she called when jess and i were at the neighbors pool, and she's talking to jess for a while and i guess jess filled her in on the fact that we'd moved, bought a house, ect. next thing i know, jess goes "_______ wants to know how much you would charge her to rent a room?" i'm like "a room where?" lol

so i get on the phone with her to see where her head is at and why she would ask something like that, and she proceeds to go on and on about how living in different parts of the country means you will fall victim to various droughts, hurricans, earthquakes, etc. That she wishes her parents were alive so she could live with them without paying rent, how she wants to write a book, and wants someone to pay her bills for three or four months so she can have all the free time she wants to devote to her book.

since i have recently become outspoken in my old age (38)(shut up julie), i told her, dont we all wish we could get someone to pay our bills while we (pick one) painted, drew, wrote, sewed, screwed, acted, modeled, or danced our way to stardom??? You have to man-the-fuck-up and just do it cause no one is going to drop out of the sky and just give you 3 or 4 mos worth of bill money, grow the fuck up.

well...she got quite hot with me and told me just because i had my dreams come true by having a nice house and a bunch of space didnt mean that her dreams couldnt come true. ??? am i missing something?

so i told her that a. having a house did not mean all my dreams came true, as long as i'm alive i'll have goals (and im not dead yet i dont think) and b. wishing someone to pay your bills so you could do what you wanted to do and then hopefully become famous, and not doing anything to achieve that goal otherwise, wasnt a dream, it was an excuse not to accomplish anything because IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. not unless you're screwing them in all your free time between writing, and maybe not even then. anyways, she got all pissy at me and we hung up on a bad note, and sorry to say if i never speak to her again so be it. even jess had a laugh about it, even her 13 year old self knows you dont get anything in this life for free.