Sometimes I forget Completely....
Sometimes I forget completely
what companionship is.
Unconcious and insane, I spill sad
energy everywhere. My story
gets told in various ways: a romance,
a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.
Divide up my forgetfulness to any number,
it will go around.
These dark suggestions that I follow,
are they part of some plan?
Friends, be careful. Don't come near me
out of curiosity, or sympathy.
Rumi
This is my sister Carol (if you click on the picture I think you can view it more closely). She appeared on the cover of this issue of Jet Magazine the same year I was born. Carol was my oldest sister, by my father, but I never got to meet her. I can only tell the story the way i remember it, and unless I meet someone from Chicago, who is willing to look up the court transcripts, I'm sure there may be a hole or two in my story, but the body of it I have been told goes like this....Carol was born in 1944 to my father and his first wife. I dont know much about her childhood, but she loved to sing and from what I understand she became the first black flight attendent for Eastern Airlines. She had a few different bands, I actually met a guy, through the music biz some years ago, who played in a band with her and gave me about 5 pictures he had of her performing. From what I've heard, she was on the cover of Jet 3 times (65, 66, 67)
She met a man who was to become her second husband, and he courted her. They fell in love, got married and bought a beautiful house. She thought the fact that they never had sex before marriage was romantic, but then after marriage they didn't have sex either. He hired a decorator to decorate their house, she was still singing in a band, and everything was fine, except they werent sleeping together. She had made plans to go back to Jersey (from Chicago) because she felt something wasnt right, and not too long after she had made this decision, one night someone broke into the house and murdered her. They stabbed her mutiple times and carved her face till she was unrecognizable.
Turns out that the decorator....male, decorator, was her husbands lover, and they had planned, even before they were married to kill her for the life insurance. This was the plan all along.
The whole story is convoluted...it's said that there was a trial, that ended with a hung jury, then another trial, but before they could bring him up for the second trial, he died. Of AIDS.
I know i should feel some sense of justice but I don't. Justice won't bring her back and thats a fact. I just wonder sometimes, why do some men see a thing of beauty and can only think to destroy it?
I know it's my sister, so of course I'm going to think she's beautiful, but I've seen it time and time again. Beautiful women sometimes are the most tragic. Many women want to be like them, but sometimes that very same beauty can be a curse. It gets you noticed far too often, even when you don't want to be. It can scare some men, but seems to make most men bold, so you are subjected to a constant stream of attention, whether you like it or not.
Sometimes I forget completely that I even had this sister, because I never was allowed the pleasure of meeting her. It was stolen from me. Then other times I come across a picture and I see her eyes, like mine and I think how much I wish I could have met her.
It was said that a part of my father died when his first born was killed. I can imagine that this is so. How could it not be?
I do know that he kept an eagle eye on any guy my other sisters or myself bought around. He would ask a lot of questions, and dig into their backgrounds. and we allowed him this....because we knew, he feared losing another.
He would say "a man should have a past, and he should not be afraid to share it with you....and if he is, something is wrong". He never liked an ex of mine Angel, because Angel didn't get along with his mother, and spoke badly of her at a dinner one night. My dad pulled me to the side later and asked plaintively "what kind of son doesnt love his mother?" He said, "if he doesnt love and respect his mother, he can never truly love and respect you" and he was right, Angel and I broke up because he did not have respect for me as woman.
I think about Carol sometimes and I wonder if she knew...if she suspected...that this man had murder on his mind. How could she think that he loved her? Was he that good an actor or was she that blind? We look at people every day and think that what we see is what is real, but in my experience there is so much we really don't know, and probably so much we don't want to know. No one can ever know truly what is in the heart of another person, and that is truly the scariest thing of all.
I tried to face the things in my past and not fear being in relationships (of any kind) because of it. Sometimes I'm successful, other times not so much.
I think the only thing my father ever feared was losing another daughter in the same way he lost Carol.
Sad and amazing story. Nice blog you have here. Thanks for dropping by mine. I'll be back.
Posted by
Bud |
6:57 AM EST
Oh my god; that's so awful...she is so beautiful, and it must be hard that you never had the chance to meet her. Have you ahd a chance to do any research on the trial?
Posted by
Cathy |
10:49 AM EST
Hey Bud, Thanks for dropping by, your blog was interesting as well.
Cathy, it happened in Chicago, I don't know how to go about getting that info unless I was in chicago, then maybe go to the courthouse? Not sure, but I want to check into it.
Posted by
chase |
11:22 AM EST
No, it's not just you, she was beautiful. How very sad for your family.
The second you mentioned decorator I knew how it was going to end.
Court records are public. You could probably do some preliminary research online on this wonderful internet thing. Do you feel you would get some sense of (and I hate this word) closure if you knew more about it?
Posted by
Peggasus |
11:32 AM EST
I'm sorry your sister was taken from you and the rest of your family. I'm sorry you even know that pain. One day, I hope you will be ready to trust someone into your life.
Lois Lane
Posted by
Lois Lane |
1:57 PM EST
Peggasus,
I actually called the courthouse today and was told if I could get the name of her husband that they should be able to look it up and find something, and I could buy court transcripts at 3.50 a page. If you know court transcripts, even somethings much smaller than a murder could run hundreds of pages of transcripts. So I will be looking at probably thousands of dollars for a transcript.
I'm looking into seeing if I can get maybe a police report or something like that.
I thank everyone for their comments, but I also want you to know, I didn't write this so people could feel sorry for me...I dont want everyone to think I am writing to get bunches of sympathy comments, there are just a lot of things I've never talked about before, and this is my way of getting it out. The good, bad and the ugly.
Posted by
chase |
2:13 PM EST
No, I don't think anyone thinks you'e looking for sympathy. I certainly don't.
Another thought: something like this was most likely in the newspapers. Perhaps searching archives would give you all the answers without a huge cost.
Posted by
Peggasus |
3:47 PM EST
That is horrible, to think people can be so calculated and evil, destoying a beautiful human being such as your sister.
Posted by
Trey |
5:18 PM EST
GAR. I hate men. ;_;
Your sister was a very beautiful person, and she never deserved it. I'm so sorry.
Never trust the decorator.
Love always,
JV
Posted by
Mr. Death |
5:44 PM EST
Am I missing something about decorators? I actually have never known any male decorators, only female, so maybe that is odd. I never knew any personally actually, I was always a little skeeved by the thought of paying someone thousands of dollars to decorate my house in their tastes.
I'm waiting to find out her husbands last name to see what I can find in the papers.
Posted by
chase |
8:29 PM EST
I'm sorry to hear about your sister. You could really write an autobiography. The things that you have been through...and this is only the stuff that you post. Although you didn;t know her, she is still a unknown part of you. You are a strong girl.
She was beautiful..dag.
Posted by
MIZPOWDERPINK |
10:23 PM EST
You didn't come across as someone begging for sympathy, not at all. It's good to let your feelings out. Here in these blogs, we tend to share our hearts. I "know" some of you folks better than I know some of my own family members. You were robbed of a relationship with your sister and the cost of the whole story is potentially thousands of dollars? It doesn't seem right. I hope one day you get the answers you need.
Lois Lane
Posted by
Lois Lane |
11:52 PM EST
Hey Chase. I'm sorry your sister was unfairly taken away from you. I don't have access to police reports, but I have access to legal documents such as court cases, the attorney's briefs, and trial facts. If you give me the name of the case, her husband's last name, and what state the case was in, I can probably find something on it and email you. (law student's get free access to documents, it's not until I become an attorney that I'll have to pay. ~disclaimer so that I can take the bar: this is not legal aid or advice)
Posted by
theequeenbee |
12:25 AM EST
I'm sorry. That's such a tragedy. I agree with mizpowderpink...you should definitely write an autobiography. You tell the most touching stories.
Posted by
DramaFree |
3:37 AM EST
Wow, honestly Chase that was a story. Thank you for sharing it. I've never seen this particular issue but I'm sorry to hear that. Your sister was a beautiful woman.
Posted by
princessdominique |
9:10 AM EST
Sorry to hear this. I was young when it first happened, but after reading your entry my heart aches for your pain.
Posted by
Shelia |
10:31 AM EST
Mz Pink, Thanks, I have thought about writing about it, I think maybe thats why I'm writing about it here, to get it out of my head.
Lois, thanks again and you are so right, sometimes its easier to have online friends cause you dont have to deal with their dirt, but I am honored to have met a lot of very beautiful people online.
qb...wow, I'm speechless. I'm still waiting for a call back re some info, but I will let you know when I have it. Thank you.
Single, thank you for stopping by, havent seen you in a while, I have to stop by your place and see whats going on in your side of the woods.
Thanks Princess, I never saw that issue either! I actually looked up my sisters name online, and this issue was on sale thru an antique dealer! How about that?
Thanks Sheila, that mag was the year I was born! I heard she's on two other covers.
Posted by
chase |
11:30 AM EST
I'm sorry to hear that about your sister. That's really a tragic story. I hope the husband and his lover died a slow and painful death, nasty wicked bastards. She looked beautiful as you said.
Posted by
Unknown |
3:20 PM EST
Sad and so tragic..I'm sorry Chase..Hugs will never stop. ((Chase))
Posted by
Heidi |
8:31 PM EST
This is such a sad, tragic story. I had to read it twice to be sure of what I thought I read. So sad!
xo,
Deb
Posted by
Dr. Deb |
11:04 AM EST
what a great post..
thanks for stopping.
Continue to grow....
Its what she would want.
m
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:39 PM EST
That's just crazy. This woman was beautiful, what a tragedy. I'm so sorry to hear that Chase.
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:23 AM EST
hey Chase. I sent the case to your email address you gave me. The subject should have said LexisNexis. If it went into your spam mail let me know.
Posted by
theequeenbee |
8:21 PM EST
Stunner, thanks...they were very wicked people, I just cant understand people sometimes.
Heidi, hugs back to you :)
Deb, i know, it still breaks my heart when i think of it.
CheleinLA you are so right, I do believe that.
Joy, crazy aint the word. I have other stuff I'll be blogging about, and in some ways it gets worse. but then look....
QB sent me some stuff from the court case! If I had never been blogging about it, then I would still be wondering about things. She's trying to see if she can get some other things and if/when she does, I'll let everyone know what I found out.
Isn't it incredible that just by blogging I am seeing something that I thought I would never see? (mainly because the transcript office wants tons of money for it)
Thanks so much QB!
Posted by
chase |
2:23 AM EST
After reading this story, I was stunned. It's so tragic. You're right - what can be a blessing can also be a curse. This is so sad.
Posted by
Dahlia's Day |
6:33 PM EST
Things like these make me really hate being gay. When a brutal murder occurs involving a gay murderer, they always blame the sexuality...not saying you do, but media is a fuckrag.
*hugs*
-JV
Posted by
Mr. Death |
8:36 PM EST
As other people stated, this was such a powerful story. It's not just you, she was a beautiful woman. I admire you being so candid about such a personal situation. I'm sorry you never got a chance to meet her.
Posted by
Lena |
11:23 PM EST
Ok. OMG.....what a totally unexpected story. I can't believe it. And you are so right about people. It is creepy..but it is life. You have had so many experiences. Woah. Ok..I am going to come back and catch up. I started a new job and have been busy trying to go to bed early. UGHHHH
Posted by
Motherhood is Here |
10:56 PM EST
dahlia, yes, yes so true.
death (j) - it had nothing to do with him being gay and everything to do with him being heartless and a killer and greedy.
Lena, yes me too
poorart...sometimes i say, it's hard but its real. life can hurt so bad sometimes, but it really is what you take from it and give to it that matters.
Posted by
chase |
11:23 PM EST
Sad story. It is hard to believe that greed could actually lead someone to murder, regardless of the fact that he was married to her, that makes it much worse. Just to think how bad I felt when someone I watched on TV died this week, I can't even imagine losing a sibling.
Posted by
Big Ben |
11:21 PM EST
wow - this is really an intense story .. i dont really know what to say ... amazing she was on the cover of Jet.
Posted by
Clay |
1:06 AM EST
You should come live with me in the land of no-frowns. I have my own little rebel hide-out called the Building of Gloom. Drop by sometime.
<3
JV
Posted by
Mr. Death |
9:18 PM EST
Wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.
~Deb
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Anonymous |
1:14 AM EST