Strange Days

(in case you dont notice, there is a diffrence of alost a whole year between this entry and the last, just letting you know so u dont get confused...i took a year break, dont ask why)

One of my exes D. sends me an IM...he says "You don't love me anymore". First of all, when did I ever say i loved him to begin with? Second...I don't even know if he could even be considered an "ex" as in "Ex boyfriend" because we only dated a few times. I liked him a lot..He was my type...Daring, funny, outrageous, fun, good looking with a great sense of humor. However...He gave no indication of wanting a serious relationship (those types never do, do they?) We dated a few times, and I was very clear with him that I wanted to be in a committed relationship and that only seemed to alienate him further.

So. I let it go and moved on. About a year later is when I met Joe, and since I met Joe I never looked back. Joe is everything D. is, only I think D. is a few years younger. D. has a slender muscular build, while Joe is heavier, muscular with a boxers build.

At any rate, once he found out I was dating Joe, he took that time to tell me how much he liked me (hinting at the "L" word) and what we had was good and he wished we could have explored it more, I was the only person who really understood him, he was a fool and he fucked up.

I took much of it with a grain of salt. I really think it's mostly a case of sour grapes, or a simple wish to "think" he felt that way, when it really isn't true, and now an excuse to guilt-trip me and make me feel guilty about my relationship, which is wonderful. All of my girlfriends were swooning over D. and thought he was the cutest thing with his motorcycle, but I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. Especially someone who hasn't a clue about what he really wants.

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On another note. Another ex, B, called here last night. Now this one really is an "Ex boyfriend". We dated on and off for years, with him causing me large amounts of pain and suffering. It wasn't the first time someone hurt me, but I think it may have been one of the worst.

So, he calls and leaves this cavalier message along the lines of "Hey baby, long time no see...Your girlfriend (?) gave me your number, and I wanted to see you and see how you were doing." unfortunately, Joe was sitting two feet from the phone and I was in the kitchen oblivious at the time. To Joe's credit...He didn't pick up the phone, I can't say that I would have had as much self-control. I think the main reason he didn't (pick it up) was because he could tell that Brett hadn't spoke to me in a long time and he's giving me the respect of letting him know I'm involved? Or maybe he's still respects the fact that even though we live together, it really is my phone? Since tomorrow is our 3rd year anniversary, I probably shouldn't think like that...I dunno.

So I have all of these memories flooding back regarding B. Tall, Dark and handsome is an understatement when it came to him. Muscular, athletic, perfect body. Smart, funny, outrageous, daring...but ultimately...an asshole.

He lied to me, he used me, did all the dirty tricks and played all the dirty games imaginable. I had a miscarriage with him, I believe due to stress. It was the first time (and last) that I sat in my car in front of someone's house to spy on them. I took him back and broke up with him too many times to imagine. I crossed state lines to see him, I fought, laughed, cried and would've died with him.

I don't want to call him back. Am I obligated to? Then again, another part of me wants to call him and let him know that I found someone...someone who is good and kind and sweet. Maybe give him a piece of my mind for the crap he put me thru.

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update:
I never did call B back...it's been a year and I didn't regret it, since then, at least two other exe's have contacted, and I didn't call them back either. I'm happy where I'm at with everything, and not planning on being the one who screws it up.