Strange Days

I would probably ask her again if she likes this girl as she likes boys, or does she like the girl because of her attractive personality. There's a difference. Besides that, I would just try to encourage her to love herself and give her reenforcing comments like "you're beautiful." Because the only way she'll know how she feels about others is knowing how she feels about herself.

Chase, I don't even think you can choose who you love and your sexual preference. You're attracted because you are, there's nothing that could explain it, that's the way it is. I believe people don't choose to be homosexuals, but they choose whether they'll hide it or refuse to care what people say. She's still young, maybe she's in love, maybe she's just thinks she is but isn't really and just admires her somehow. Maybe she can't really make the difference for the moment. Especially since she told you she doesn't see herself kissing a girl. Even adults sometimes wonder if they're in love, or just like someone a lot.

I wouldn't do anything, and just let her do her. Let her know that whenever she feels the need to talk about her feelings, doubts, sexuality, whatever, momma will always be there.

Kids need to feel that they won't be downed and judged by their parents but supported no matter what. That's all.

First off, I would like to say I think it's great that she is able to come to you with such a personal issue like this. Not just 'sex,' which is hard enough for most teens, but her sexuality.

Is it possible for her to see a counselor to help her sort some of her feelings out? She may yet feel more comfortable talking to someone not her mother. We have a friend who is a school social worker and sometimes deals with issues like this, and if he would not be able to help someone like her, he could definitely refer the person to someone who could.

The teenage years are hard enough for most kids, even without having to deal with an identity issue like this. Best of luck to her.

The definition of a normal family seriously differs in modern society. Maybe she finds herself a woman to love: who's to say they can't adopt a child? Would that be "normal"? Even if she meets a man and gets married: they can still adopt. Would that be just as acceptable? While society seems to frown on it, it's really all the same.
And personally, sexual understanding comes at many different times of ones life. For example, my friend Lori has known he was gay since he was about 11, and my other friend Ian since he was about 22. There are women and men alike who discover their sexuality later in life, in their 30s, 40s, 50s.
As for your daughter, I have noted that women tend to "love" their best friends, and occasionally mistake it as a different kind of love, or maybe even lust. Plus, at 13 years old, you're still struggling to understand who you are. It's a good possibility that maybe she's miscomprehending another love, or experimenting with her feelings.
In my experience, I've been confused and feeling scared since I was in diapers. I struggled with it until I was slightly older than her, and then found clarity.
So, its not really a matter of knowing for sure right now, but if you can help her comprehend and understand her feelings now, it could make it a lot easier.
Anyway, you can still get grandkids, biological or not.
Hope this helped,
Johnny

QB, I honestly believe that is what's going on here, both of the girls she mentioned she liked have been "butch" for lack of a better term, or tomboys. I think she seee's something in them she wishes she had (the ability to fight or be aggressive or tough, which she's not). I do tell her she's beautiful, but more importantly I try to stress how smart, clever, and imaginative she is.

Joy, so true, thats why I didn't make such a big deal about it. and you're right....you're going to feel what you're going to feel no matter what. Like Khalil Gibran says...you don't choose love...love chooses you. I'm going to post that poem.

peggasus, she does have issues (who doesnt) and I wouldnt mind speaking to your friend if you could refer us. She did tell me the other day that her friends are jelous of our ability to talk and our relationship....that made me happy.

Johnny, yes, yes and yes. That's how I'm looking at it. It's not like I can control her feelings. I can't. No more than I can control her mind. I can control where she goes and to some extent what she does, but I have to trust her to make her decisions, and have her learn from them. most importantly be there when she needs me to be there.

Sam, very true. Actually we joke about everything, it has been the one thing that has gottne us thru a lot, our ability to laugh at ourselves. ::smile::

Thank you all for your comments, it's really appreciated and I welcome the support.

It makes me feel really good to know that if she's confused, at least you'll be there to help her out and make sure she's safe no matter what she does. :) That's the best thing you can possibly do as a parent.
(Sorry if this posted twice...having some technical difficulties)

Chase: Our friend lives here in Illinois and works within his school district. It might be kind of hard for her to make weekly trips for a session. :) I believe all school districts have a counselor / social worker on staff. That would be a good place to start. If they don't, your county probably has a mental health board for referrals.

Dear Chase,
I work with a lot of teens and this is the "big thing". Whether it is part of the trend or if its a path she needs to explore for herself, your confusion is expected (as any parent's would be in such a situation).

I agree with many of the posters, and if you feel concern reach out to someone in your community. A counselor at school or a pro in the field. Feeling confused is just lke you said...not mad, not happy, not sad.

Thinking of you,
~Deb

Great Blog! and you seem like a great Mom. I am sure whatever the outcome, your child will have your full support.

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damn. this was an interesting post. everyone has said what i wanted to say.

i dont really know what to say.

If you want to personally email me about this, coloranna@aol.com....I can give you some advice on what not to do....that will make your daughter even more confused than you. It seems like you are treating this matter gingerly and that is the first RIGHT step. It is good that you are open and sensitive. Anna

Everyone said alot. I can only add that I can't recall 'knowing' what love is or isn't at that age. Particularly when my cycles started. I had a lot of emotions going on etc, a whole lot of crap going on and no one to turn to. So in the end, I wish that my own mother was there to help and a father to help but neither were there, they were occupied in their own working worlds. Suffice to say, don't abandon communication with her. I have met a lot of gay people in my short life and have seen such tragic things happen because the parents were not accepting of the situation. I don't know what I would do if my kids came up to me and said they are that way, but I would not want to abandon them or cut them off (inshaa'Allah). That's the worst thing that can be done.

I think as well, that it's something that this girl has that she's attracted to, because as I said before, I don't recall knowing what I wanted at that age LOL! Except better parents and knowing how to dance like the other popular kids LOL!

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