Strange Days

Am I the only one saddened by watching Trading Spouses? If you haven't been watching, they take two dads from two different families and switch them. They did this before, only they switched the mothers.

This time, they switch a guy from the country (who we'll call country guy), who comes from a broke down trailer house complete with food-stealing cats, flies, 2 bad ass kids, flies, an air mattress bed, flies, chickens, dogs, flies, horses, cows, turkeys and did I mention....flies?

The other dad, we'll call him "city guy", is a jewish lawyer who lives in NYC. They could not have pigeon-holed two personality types better if they tried. The city guy as you can see is plainly disgusted. However, he's so big and red that you can almost imagine him fitting into this life. You can almost see it going across his face as he thinks about it. "In another life...this could have been my life."

Country guy is almost like an atypical country guy. Easy going, country manners, he doesn't seem too bright, but he makes up for it in genuine concern. Country guy is a simple guy.

I think the saddest part was when city mom took county dad to their beach house...he looks into the camera and says "I wish I had a beach house...I'd settle for a boat house."

He's living with these people who live an a gorgeous (expensive) apartment building in NYC, with a doorman, and gym in the building, a beach house.....what's he going back to at the end of the week? Bad ass kids and flies. I feel really bad for this guy. It seems his life was ok for him before this show came along.

the Country kids...are bad mannered and well...just downright fuckin bratty. They whine like 2 year olds, they whine, pout, scream, whine, demand, pick, whine and whine. City guy came so close to smacking the shit out of them...and I was praying he would just let loose and do it.

city mom...what can i say? She's a total controlling, aggresive NYC bitchy jewish mother. Everything has to be exactly how she says it should be, all the time. I think city mom, needs to live with country kids for a couple of months...now THAT would be a reality show for your ass! Cause country mom? has no social skills, no child rearing skills, no house cleaning skills.....she's everything that people make fun of about the country.


City mom's worst line - "you don't have a dishwasher? You can get a dishwasher for about 200 dollars." Country guy says...maybe she doesnt understand poor people very well.


country girl is totally repelled by the fancy restaraunt. Disgusted by mozzerell, lamb chops....

and city guy kinda looks down on her, cause he feels she doesnt want to make her life better cause she doesnt want to eat at fancy places...

Both of the families get 50k. It's decided that the dads will have to decide how the other families money is spent. city guy thinks maybe real estate is the way to go (I agree). country guy is clueless....he should just make the city family give the country family their 50k. :D

ok...enough of my babbling. If the show is so terrible....why can't I stop watching? Ha

This guy dies and no one notices for two years. What the hell? Seems they thought he had gone on vacation or traveling. All of his bill were paid automatically. That's where this damn computer age gets us....Your DEAD and everyone thinks your alive cause your bills get paid automatically.

I wonder sometimes, I mean..I have Joe and my sister. But I don't really have any friends. I have a very small handful of people who I like and I keep in contact with. I guess they would be considered friends, but we don't "hang out", talk every day (or even every week), we don't do things together...Just email here and there or and occasional IM. I'm a bit of a hermit..I like solitary things...Reading, writing, computers, painting, photography. People talk too much. Or they talk about bullshit...Yeah that's really what it is. Gossip, backstabbing, trivial shit. It irritates me, and I turn inwards.

I don't want to grow old and be "that" lady...The one who wears her housecoat out to the sidewalk to get the paper, who wears stocking with her sandals, has 4 or 5 cats (that she feeds, and three more that live with her)....Or GOD FORBID one of the old ladies you see on cam in the paltalk or yahoo chatrooms in their saggy bra trying to entice a male (ANY male...Please God).

Ok, I need more friends.

I'm too lazy and tired right now to think of anything to talk about today so, I got this questionaire from Owlish's Blog Thanks Owlish :)

I don't know what will actually apply to me, I changed a few from the original to suit me (what the hell, its my blog) :)

1.Name spelled backwards: esahc

2.Where nationality are your parents: Father: Sicilian & Zulu (yes, from Africa, it's a long story)), Mother: Cherokee & Puerto Rican (don't ask)

3. Last thing downloaded: a cool ass trailer for a cool ass looking movie called Grayson. You can download the trailer here. It's awesome.

4. Fave restaurant: There's this authentic Italian joint near me called Rita and Joe's, which I truly love, but they can be expensive. I like Olive Garden as well.

5. Last time you swam in a pool: couple weeks ago, a friend has a pool in their complex.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Oh my God. I forgot that, I DID play in one...I played a courtesan (whore) in a play called "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"? I think..that's what it was called. It was hella long ago. I remember I was in the 7th grade..and I had a huge major crush on this older guy named (don't laugh) Buddy. Buddy Benson. He looked like Chico DeBarge. I followed him around like a lovesick puppy. One day he said his shoulder was killing him, and I offered to rub it for him. (didnt I say no laughing?) We sat in the back and I rubbed his shoulder and neck, and when I was done, since my hands and his neck were so warm, I blew on his neck. He got mad and said something like you dont blow on someone after you massage them, cause you can cause the muscle to tighten up even worse, blah blah blah. Jerk.

7. How many kids do you want? I have one..12 yrs old. I wish I would of had about 4 more.

8. Type of music you dislike the most: chamber/elevator music?

9. Registered to vote: no

10. Do you have cable? God, yes, you don't?

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? yes

12. Ever prank call anyone? yes...haha

13. Ever get a parking ticket? God, yes

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Bungee jumping, no way. But I always wanted to do the running and jumping off a cliff with a parachute, and jumping out of a plane. Then I heard that you land really hard and if you're not careful you could break your leg/s, ankle/s....so I'm kinda thinking twice about it.

15. Farthest place traveled: I never measured it in miles. Sotland, Italy, London, Amsterdam, Canada, Germany, Switzerland....

16. Do you have a garden? I did last year. But we were SO inundated with mosquitos i hate even going into our backyard.

17. What's your favorite comic strip: Calvin & Hobbs

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? yup

19. Bath or shower, morning or night? shower every night.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? N/A

21. Favorite pizza topping? I'm not a big Pizza lover, but if I do get it, it has to have ground beef or sausage.

22. Chips or popcorn? Chips! Pringles!

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? a tannish shiny one

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? huh?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? no, never in a pageant...I've been in fashion show competitions, not sure how different they are.

26. Orange juice or apple? Orange, actually I like Ruby Red Grapefruit the best.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? "Dinner" sounds so formal, I went out with Joe, Jess and a friend of ours Jose and his son JC. We went to a little greasy spoon joint and had burgers and fries.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar: Bar? Be serious. Lindt truffles, and anything Godiva.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Last summer.

31. Have you ever won a trophy? When I was little...for bowling and spelling.

32. Are you a good cook? try great! It's one of my passions.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? yes, try driving thru GA at 3am, they will NOT come out and pump you, you can sit there forever.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? no, but I really have my eye on this cool, cutting, chopping, blending, twirling thingie that I can pay for in 5 easy payments of 19.99 each. (If I order today I'll get 2 mini versions of it free!)

35. Sprite or 7-up? sprite

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? no

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Ice cream i think? I hate going in the pharmacy....mainly becuase pharmacies aren't really "pharmacies" anymore, they're more like a huge toy store for adults. I mean, sure they have a pharmacist and you can pick up your prescription there, but its the candy, cards, makeup, do dads, hair care, lotions, sex aides, perfumes, they even have a FOOD aisle now for crissakes. I can blow 100 bucks in walgreens and not even know on what.

38. Ever throw up in public? If the bathroom at the club counts, or the side of the highway out the open door while my sisters going 55 mph counts then I guess so. The club one happened once, and I MADE myself throw up. The car thing happened once too...but the shots of JD made me throw up that time. :D


39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? I think I may have already found him...so...if i could keep him then you know what the answer is. If not, then I guess I'd never talk to Robin Leach

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Lust at first site, YES! Love is a little more complicated than that.

41. Ever call a 900 number? no

42. Can ex's be friends? rarely. Guy's being friends with their exe's, sometimes...woman's exe's I think will always have a thought that they will get her back in the sack one day. At least all of my exe's did, and why I'm not friends with any of them.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? yesterday, Joe's Mom is in the hospital.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? yes

45. What message is on your answering machine? my companies message ( I work from home...my personal line is simple "leave a message, blah, blah, blah"

46. What's your all-time favorite SNL character? The Church Lady

47. Name of first pet? Nikita (black cat)

48. What is in your purse? I doubt I have enough space for this answer. Always a book, lip gloss, pens, wallet, hard candy, make-up wallet, loose change, reciepts.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Before or during bedtime? :D I either read to Joe or we watch a movie.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? That my daughter is well spoken and mannerable.

Have you ever tried Lindt chocolate truffles? They come in milk chocolate, dark chocolate and (gasp) white chocolate. I looooove white chocolate, every since I was a little girl. All the kids in my family would get brown chocolate bunnies and I would be the oddball with the beautiful white chocolate bunny. The best thing was all the other kids hated how it tasted, so it was mine...mine, mine, mine....all mine. (sorry for the Daffy Duck moment)


From the Lindt website:

Before you take a bite - smell the chocolate, breath in its aroma and take a good look at it. Is it shiny or dull? What is its color and texture? Much like a wine connoisseur, chocolate lovers consider appearance, smell and taste. True chocolate aficionados let the chocolate melt on their tongue and enjoy the various degrees of intensity and sensual feelings while it liquefies.

Professional chocolate connoisseurs have many terms to describe the texture, quality and feel of chocolate. Let's look at the texture of a chocolate bar first, how does it break? Does it crumble and splinter or is it a clean break coming off with a hard and clear "crack"? If it does, it's an almost sure sign of an excellent quality. Is the praline shiny and does it have a thin shell of chocolate surround it? Is it beginning to melt if you hold it between your fingers a few seconds? If it doesn't, it may contain a lot of vegetable fat.

Let's taste it now -- slowly let a square melt in your mouth or take a small bite from a praline. Does it melt nicely and smoothly, or does it leave a granular or "floury" feeling in your mouth? Granular residues may be the sign of too much sugar, which in turn may make you thirsty. Does it stick to your palate and require considerable pains to dislodge it from the roof of your mouth?..It shouldn't. Does it melt easily and change without much effort from solid to liquid without chewing it? If it doesn't, its too "dry." but the opposite, "fatty" will just leave that kind of taste in your mouth. It goes without mention . . . the less granular the texture, the smoother, the less fatty and softer melting, the better the chocolate!

A few words about the cocoa contents are in order here. A high cocoa content is no guarantee for flavor; it's the quality of the beans and the way they are processed and used in production that have the biggest impact on its final taste.

Lindt chocolate truly has all of the admirable qualities they mentioned here. FYI, I've managed to find Lindt (rarely) at Walgreens, Rite Aide and hardly anywhere else except online. :(

Did I mention I love chocolate?....but nothing more than Lindt.

1. You are complex and analytical by nature.

complex = hard to deal with/pain in the ass
analytical = thinks too damn much

2. You principles mean more to you than any money or success

depends....how much money or success?

3. You are talented in many ways

well DUR.....Stevie Wonder could see that! Ha

I said it once...I'll say it again. Fortune cookies blow.

So last night I was outside practicing sparring in the driveway with Jessica and the chinese food delivery guy pulls up in his little Nisson, he parks in front of my driveway and goes up the steps of the house next door to ours.

Meanwhile a gaggle of kids comes down the street on foot and bikes, and one of the kids walks almost past the car and then calmly proceeds to open the door, get in and drive off. It really creeped me out, because he did it so calm and cool. He looked about ten, but he was probably about 13. He had to lean up to see over the steering wheel fer chrissakes. I dont live in a bad neighborhood (so I thought) but I am so ready to move to a more rural area.

I'd like to live somewhere where I can throw a rock and not hit another house. Someplace where the only thing I hear at night are crickets and the only thing I hear in the morning is birds. I want a yard, not a boxed in patch of grass. Someday. *sigh*

I found a really cool "REAL" blog today (see below posts for reference. EDZ SEZ has an awesome blog. In fact, between him and red (see last post) they made me forget two things I needed to do...damn them!

I left so many comments on Edz blog, I hope he doesnt think I'm stalking him, lol. But, everytime I read a new entry, i had to comment (smile). AND I added him to my sidebar links (lol) no i'm not a stalker. I just like it when I find cool people.

If you get a chance check him out...cool insight, hysterical outlook.

Thanks to Raging Red for steering me towards this awesome website called Julius and Friends . I haven't had a chance to go thru the whole site yet, but what I saw was hella cool. Thanks!

So I was minding my own business...doing some work, going thru emails. When my stomach growled. Since I'm in the middle of something I grabbed the closest thing. A fortune cookie from last nights dinner.

Fortune: "If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted"

What the hell does that mean? Wish for a house, just don't wish for a mansion? Wish for a car, just don't let it be a Benz or a Jag?

Personally I dont think I've had a lot of extravagant desires....I'd like to get a house....at least 3 or 4 bedrooms..is that too extravagant? I'd love to have a jeep..mainly for the space....too extravagant? I love my Millenia, but its got NO space for much of anything, the spare takes up most of the trunk.

Like I said before. fortune cookies blow. It didnt even taste all that good.

Here's what my fortune cookie said (you knew this was coming)...

Ok wait...First of all my fortune cookie had TWO fortunes in it. Does that mean I'm twice as lucky or each fortune is only half as lucky? hmmmm.

1. Your home is a pleasant place from which you draw happiness.

ok. I guess.

I mean, I do draw in my home...But I would be much happier if I had a room I could paint in. (lol) But seriously, I do draw happiness from my home...Who doesn't? It's where all of your shit is...The shit that makes you happy. Right? I mean, I'm not happy about the rent I have to pay. I'm not happy with the space....nevermind, just forget it. Next.

2. From now on your kindness will lead you to success.

ok. They actually had the nerve to put a friggin smiley face after that.

Lets ponder that one...I like the use of the phrase "from now on" aptly indicating that in the past, my kindness has been taken for weakness, and I've gotten TOTALLY FUCKED OVER a gazillion times for being nice.

So just when I've somewhat decided that I need to be more of a bitch and less "kind" to mf's, fate decides to tell me that "from now on" my kindness will lead me to success.

*sigh* Fortune cookies really blow.

good night.

Ok so, since I was reading Pushing in the Pin's blog, whilst I ate my dinner (still not quite sure if this was a good idea) (smile) and came across this little piece of work and now my food doesnt taste as good damnit! Mackerel Pudding? Wtf? Fish balls and chicken liver bake. Good lord. Caucasian Shashlik.

I just had to stop looking until I finished my meal. Which by the way was greeeaaat. In fact it was so good, I slipped easily into the lo carb mode, ate my shrimp and broccoli and gave Joe my rice, which is my weakness. cool.

Just when I was thinking of handing in my blogger pass, cause I'm SO tired of finding blogs that are all about the olympics or the fuckin election. GET a LIFE people. Jeez.

Anyway, by some fab stroke of luck I came across The Mangey Cur Diaries and Pushing In The Pin. I didnt do jack shit of any of the work I was supposed to get done cause I was reading about butt plugs, peeing problems, Kylie Minogue's (sp) ass, and the evil-ness (is that a word?) of Target, on their blogs. Fun Fun Fun.

......................

My chinese food just came, and I'm famished (the guy actually comes on a bike with the little basket in front holding the food). This is from my new most favorite chinese place I discovered last week. Did I mention I love them? Lovely fresh shrimp and broccoli with little bits of garlic and tasty spring rolls with fresh bits of mushroom, cabbage and shrimp....and the mustard....to DIE for, they make it fresh, the kind that opens up your WHOLE sinus passage, even areas you didnt know you had, and if you take too much, will bring tears to your eyes. Yum!

I'm off..I may post again about some issues after I eat. Or not.

I think today is just one of those days where everything or everyone wants to piss you off. I don't think I ever mentioned what i do, but I'm a publicist. Meaning; I get people (singers, emcess, actors, poets, writers, artists, movies, and other types of businesses) into magazines, newspapers, television, ect.

It's a great job in that i work for myself, and don't have to answer to a boss. I do however, have clients to answer to. I don't have a boss to tell me what, and when to do something, but I do have deadlines that have to be met, and I have to schedule myself accordingly.

So, on to what pissed me off. Theres this guy, he used to produce a group we worked with a few years ago. He now works with a major group...world known. He calls us (cause he knows we're the bomb) and asks us if we'd be interested in working with them. Well, hell yeah. So he asks us some questions, and asks us how much we want and we give him a great price, much lower than a lot of other independent firms out there and he says he'll call us back.

He calls us back and offers us a price about 1/4 of what we asked for, and said that if we couldn't do it for that price they had another publicist who would.

We could use the extra money, but damn...why are people so unwilling to pay for quality work? We have worked with a variety of musical icons, we've had our clients in just about every major magazine in existance, yet they stll feel the need to pay us pennies.

Its hard to say, "stick it up your ass" when your rent and car note are due.

When jessica was down south with her aunts, I was told that Jessica went in the pool in her underwear and her aunt told her she "wasn't going to be happy until someone raped her ass". First off, there are NO men around at all. Second, they are in a rural area, with no houses anywhere near them. This is not to say that she should have gone outside in her underwear at ALL, please, she knows better and she was WRONG. But there is a way to talk to children without demeaning them.

Well, to make a long story short, I called her aunt and tried to address how she talks to Jessica. I was VERY polite and did not want to come off confrontational. I spoke in even tones and explained that i wanted to talk about Jessica's feelings. (thats whats really important here) and she asked me "did jessica tell you she lies?".

Now that had nothing to do with what we were talking about, but I heard her out while she told me how Jessica said that I didnt send any long pants with her, only shorts. Which wasn't true. (FYI: Jess claims she didnt lie, but that the long pants were in another bag. ) WHATever. It really had nothing to do with the topic at hand, but I let her vent.

Afterwards I told her (still politely) that what I called to address was what Jessica percieved as her attitude towards (her) jessica and how Jessica felt about it. Well she got all in a huff and told me she was fifty something years old, that she was old enough to be my mother, and Jessica's grandmother. I cut her off and told her she was NOT my mother OR Jess's grandmother. She said she was trying "Train" those kids, I told her I don't need anyone to "train my kid" that I was the only one who "trained" my kid and she didnt need to be bothered with Jess, and she said do it then (train her) and she didnt want jess around her anymore. I just said fine and hung up the phone.

I wrote the following and emailed it to half her father's side of the family. Was it too much?

####################


First of all I would like to say that I don't have Doris's (her aunt) email address so I cannot email her directly. However, what I wanted to say, I felt I needed to say to as many family members as possible so that things don't get misconstrued as they are passed along.

Jessica has mentioned to me over the past few years since her father died that she felt that certain family members (on her father's side) hated her. Now, I felt she was overreacting by using such a strong word, and I also know that sometimes children perceive things differently than it may have been intended. But Jessica told me some things that some of the adults have said to her, and I was told things by other people which I did not agree with.

However, some things are what they are, and when someone tells kids "the only reason they even bother with you is because you're family" (I wont even get into WHO said that, many other people were there when it was said.), that's very blatant and hurtful, especially towards children. Jessica has also complained repeatedly that her Aunt Doris speaks very harshly towards her and says nasty things to her. I cannot say if these things are true, because I am not there when they are said, but when I said something to other family members they agree that things were said, and they also agree that those things were messed up, however it seems no one is willing to do anything to address or stop it.

The issue that bought this whole thing up was that Jessica wore her underwear in the pool when she was down south, and she also wore them riding a bike up the road. Doris told her "she wasn't going to be happy until someone raped her ass." Jessica knows she should not have worn her underwear outside, period. However she tells me that the last time they were down there, Brianna (her 7 year old cousing and Doris's granddaughter) did it, AND brianna was in the pool with her underwear on when Willie was in the pool. I told Jessica that I could give two flying ____'s what Brianna or anyone else does, she knows better than to go outside in her underwear.

HOWEVER, because a child does something you don't like, does that mean you can say ANYTHING to them? If a child breaks the rules you punish them. You can yell, you can reprimand, but you talk to them like they are human, not like they are animals or like you are disgusted by them. Jessica is not the ONLY one who has said that Doris spoke to her overly harsh. However it seems that Jessica is the only one willing to speak about it.

I have no problem with Jessica being reprimanded by other adults in her family, if that was the case she wouldn't be around them. I do NOT think that Jessica is a perfect child that never does anything wrong, I have never said or believed that. She is a child and is subject to doing all of the things that many children do. I do not encourage her to lie, she knows the repercussions for lying and consequently, I do not have much of a problem with Jessica lying, the few times she has lied to me she has been severely punished.

I tried today, very politely, to have a civilized conversation with Doris about the way she speaks to Jessica, and her initial response was to ask me if Jessica told me she(jessica) lies, and them proceeded to tell me that Jessica lied about not having pants when she did.

I explained to her that one thing didn't have anything to do with the other, and she told me she was fifty something years old, old enough to be my mother and no one was going to tell her how to train kids. As if I have no right to ask her anything or she's in the business of training my child.

1. I don't need anyone to train my child. If anyone thinks I'm not doing such a hot job, this is the first time I am hearing about it, and anyone who thinks that Jessica isn't trained enough to be around them...can speak to me about it or NOT have her around them. It's very simple. In the past if Mary (Jessicas stepmother) or anyone else told me something that Jess did, I punished her.

2. My own mother doesn't tell me what to do anymore. I am just as grown as another adult. Being old(er) is not an excuse to be able to talk to people any old kind of way. And if everyone else is too scared to say something....I'm not. If Jessica's father was alive half this bullshit wouldn't even be happening.

3. When Jessica goes to her grandmothers house, she goes because her and her grandmother agreed for her to come, NOT because I ask for her to go there. I don't need a baby-sitter for Jessica, as far as I'm concerned she never has to go over anyone's house.

4. I was told that now Doris wont have anything to do with Jessica. Jessica is a CHILD. If a CHILD does something wrong, we act appropriately as you would towards a child. There is NEVER an excuse to treat a child like shit. NEVER. no matter if they lie, don't listen or anything else. Punish them, yes. Verbally abuse them or treat them like crap, no. There's a way to teach (or train) children, and it should always be done out of love.

Last but not least, If ANYONE does not want Jessica around them, speak now. I didn't realize my child was such a terror that "no one wants her around" as I've been told. I was never under the impression that anyone was taking care of Jessica besides her grandmother anyway, because I never asked anyone else to take care of her.

If as an adult, Doris wants to block her niece out of her life, that's her call. Jessica will be hurt, but she won't be any more hurt than she already has been. Has anyone bothered to think that maybe kids act out because of the DEATH OF THEIR FATHER? Is it possible to try and talk TO kids instead of AT them and ABOUT them? Do you think Jess and Keke don't hear the nasty things that have been said about them and their MOTHERS?

No matter how many problems my sister and I go thru, there is never an excuse for her to treat my daughter like crap, or for me to treat my nephews bad. I won't accept that from my own flesh and blood, I definitely wont accept it from anyone else.

I came across very politely when I called Doris. I felt that as two adults we could have a decent conversation about how jessica was feeling. If Doris (or anyone else for that matter) feels like I should not have said anything, that's too bad. If I think there is a problem with my child I'm going to speak on it. I tried to talk to Doris and instead of talking about it she wanted to get indignant that I should question HER, like she is beyond questioning, which is a load of crap. There is a problem here, and I am not the only person to think so. If everyone else is too chicken to say anything, that is not my problem either.

As far as I'm concerned Jessica never has to step foot in Maplewood again, but then I would be acting childish. I wouldn't want to seperate her from her father's family, as it was his wish that she stay close to them....particularly her sister. However, I do not feel that he would agree with anyone mistreating his children or subjecting them to verbal abuse, which is exactly what this amounts to....what is being said TO them and what is being said ABOUT them in their presence. If you think they are sub standard, "terrors", "bad-ass kids", with "no home training", dont have "the sense god gave them", or any one of the colorful things that have been said about them, you need to speak to their PARENT, because they are CHILDREN. And if you think the parent isnt doing a good job, you STILL need to speak to the PARENT.

Again I say, i would like for jessica to be close to her father's side of the family, but if that's not going to happen so be it. Life goes on.
###################

I wondered if I went to far, or said something I shouldn't have out of anger, but on the other hand I feel like if I dont speak up for my own child then who will? I also felt it was necessary to email not just the aunt, but other people who I knew had been present at the time when these nasty things were said, and one of the adults I emails (an aunt) was the one who said the nasty thing I quoted near the beginning of the letter. Joe said maybe I shouldnt have sent to everyone, but when I explained to him that I needed to make sure everyone knew how I felt about it, he agreed.

[rant] Wow, this story I came across is a real crock and sheds a not too favorable light on Hallmark's attitude towards people of color. How can you create a line of African American greeting cards and not have a single African American writer, writing any of the cards? Is that crazy or what?

I'm not a big card buyer. I used to be (a little bit) when I was younger, a random love declaration here, a best friend in the whole world note there....but now I can't remember the last time I gave anyone a card. Probably besides Jess for Xmas or Bday, though I may not have even done that...mainly because I am the "major gift buyer". When you buy over 10 gifts for one person, I think that gives you the privledge of not having to read a hundred cards and then try to decide which one is best suited to your situation. Not to mention in the flurry of gift opening and enjoyment, Jess's card go the way of gift wrap.

Lets not even get into the fact that I can never-ever choose any-thing. Give me a choice of two things and we may decide on something, give me more than 5, it becomes a real problem. Throw a trillion Hallmark cards in the mix. forgetaboutit. [/rant]

Randomly selecting blogs from the front page seemed like a good idea at the time. The thing is, I didnt come across a single blog that seemed "real". Meaning, that it was written by a real person instead of a "character". For example, I was reading this blog, and I must admit, my mouth was hanging open and I really laughed, but when i realized it was affiliated with a cartoon site called Achewood which is a bunch of cartoon cats....it was still funny, but I was a little ticked off. I guess the guy was a little too weird to be real?

This guy's site is about cars. Ok, I'll be a little more precise, his site is about "What the experience of the intelligent cars of tomorrow will be like going by the technology of today". Oooooo kaaaayy. wow.

Where are the real people blogs? Are there other sites that real people blog on and I'm on the character blogger site by mistake. what the hell?

Jessica's been gone or about 9 days now. She went to stay with her aunt Ella in N. Caroline. I guess its cool, of course I miss her, but on the other hand it's hella relaxing not to have to constantly keep behind her and on her for a week or so. She seems to be having a good time, I think that as long as her and her stepsister are together, getting into some trouble (smile) then she is in heaven. Forget about boring mom.

Her Aunt Doris went with them along with her 3 grandkids. Jessica has been telling me for a while that Doris speaks to her very meanly, and she told me that yesterday when they went out back to play in the pool, she couldn't find her bathing suit bottom...So since there were no men around, and no one around the house for miles, that she put on underwear and went swimming. When she came in the house Doris tells her "you're not going to be happy till someone rapes your ass", now you tell me...Is that an appropriate comment to make to a 12 year old?

What pissed me off more, was when I asked to speak to Ella, I could clearly hear Ella tell Jess, "I don't want to get involved" and she wouldn't take the phone. How do you not get involved in something that you clearly see as wrong (Jess claims Ella said she thought Doris was wrong for saying it)? This pissed me off to no end, and because I'm about 500 miles away there wasn't much I can do.

Until they get back.

I've decided since Jess's grandmother, and her Aunt Ella act like they are too chickenshit to say anything to Doris...Like they are scared of her. I'm going to have to take the initiative and say something to her. I personally think she's been treating Jess and her stepsister like crap since their father passed away. *sigh

I find I can't remember words...that makes me sooooo mad. Names, I could care less, I can always fake my way through not remembering your name, thats a talent I developed after being in the music business for so many years and perfecting remembering you when I really don't. It's pretty harmless, cause about 5 min into the conversations, I'm in my head going, "ohhh, thaaaat's where I met you!"

However, knee deep in a conversation and you want to make a valid point, only you can't remember the specific name of the thing having to do with your point....you're screwed. Well, at least your credibility is, people (ok, my boyfriend, Joe) are looking at you like "I KNEW you didnt know what the hell you were talking about". And since he always has to be right, this gives him ammunition...which only succeeds in pissing me off further. lol.

When you think you're really losing it just keep in mind that there are many more people in much much worse situations than you are. Some of them very close to you. If you can't think of anyone in a more screwed up situation than you, drop me a note and I'll give you a couple of examples. :)

So, im updating my profile, im adding blog entries, and it still says i only have 4 posts and its not showing my updated profile. Slow web response or are they doing this to personally annoy me? Something to think about.

Then again...i AM a conspiracy theorist. The aliens that run this site are probably in cahoots with Bush and Britney Spears to read my thoughts before I write them. I'll be back..going to get my aluminum foil cap, the only way to prevent them from harvesting my brain cells.

I personally like my grey hair...it looks interesting and it always amazes me that i have SO much of it at my age (30's). However, I've asked Joe if he minds my grey hair and he says no, but a friend of mine's mother once said "he'll tell you he dont mind the grey hair, and then he'll be looking at the girls with no grey hair." That kind of stuck in my head, so no matter how much he says he doesnt mind it, it makes me feel self conscious.

So anyway...i'm sitting here with a head full of brown dye, itching and burning. :) yippee.

and how is it that I stopped smoking over 3 years ago and all i could think about today was smoking a cig? whats up with that?

so, i finally took the first chapter, (which I had written in a notebook) and typed it into the computer. Now i'm under pressure to write more. I always wondered, do writers know the whole story in their head before they start writng, or do they make it up as they go along? Maybe its different for different people or a mixture of both? I know what I want the story to be about, but I just could not start writing until I figured out how the story would end. Now that I've (finally) figured it out, I have to figure out all the stuff that's going in between.

The funny thing is once I start writing I go into this little world, and I dont hear or think of anything else. The problem is, as i'm writing, joe(my bf) keeps talking to me and asking me shit and its driving me nuts.

You are most like Carrie! You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated. Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now! Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

............................................

I always felt a kinship with Carrie. Maybe because she was really all three of the other girls rolled into one. She had the sex-iness, the somewhat cynical side, the brainy side, the mushy marriage-eager side....but they were all wrapped up in the convoluted space that was Carrie. Thats me. :)

at first I said that the reason I could'nt write was because i had done the outline in this little notepad that went missing for a couple of weeks. So of course I can't write without the outline. Right? Then I found the notebook. I read the outline and damn, it's actually pretty good. (You know how it is, you write something and then read it weeks/months later and you can actually give a good assessment?)

The problem is...now that I found it, I'm still not writing. I'm trying to figure out, would this be considered writers block or am I just a punk ass BIOTCH who's scared she may actually write something good?

Things that make you go hmmmm....

I used to have a blog...I think it was my diary.com. Anyways, I had a blog there for about 2-3 years and then they decided to charge, changed the whole site around and then deleted the ones who didn't pay. I found this out a few weeks after it happened, (I was crazy busy) and by then it was gone...no way to get it back. I was hurt.

I started a blog on myspace.com, but twice when i went there i couldnt access the site. hmmm...
I saw someone who had a blog here and followed them....now I feel like I have two blogs...which I need to find time to write in ONE and now i have two. *sigh