Strange Days

....my long awaited art class starts in two hours, i've

I printed out the directions from mapquest, (cause im new to this area) and now i know exactly how to get there

I packed a bag with all my supplies (while jessica laughed at me..."look at you, with your cute little bag, like your going to school")

I threw a shoe at her and kept packing...

brushes ::check:: canvas ::check:: pallette knife ::check:: paints...titanium white...lemon yellow, burnt umber, and on and on ::check::

oh wait..permanent sap green....it's not here...looking under chair, table, box, empty bag, look again, look under butt, am i sitting on it??...looking thru house, but why, everything was all in one box...did it not get ordered? did they not send it?

have to look over packing slip, cant find it, too late anyway....class is in two hours. will i need green on the first day? will i be the loser that didnt bring green? :::pointing fingers:::: she's the loser that couldnt paint trees, or grass, or elves, or snot, or green eyed girls....

im stressing. I may have some green in my art stuff...but i dont think its SAP green....and sap isnt even green, whats the deal?

why am i stressing over a stupid art class? i was so excited all week, in fact all month. im acting like this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. maybe i've made too much of it, after all its just a freakin art class. am i building myself up to be dispointed? butterflies in my stomach. maybe it's cause i love painting so much, and i never do anything that i love cause im always doing things for other people that they love.

will the teacher like me?

what am i, in 1st grade? ::smacks self:: will the other kids, i mean grown ups, like me? get a grip, who cares..like mom used to say

:::irritating mommy voice::: "your not there to make friends..."

a friend who paints would be nice though...unless it was one of those people i hate, the ones who always have to point out how much better than you they are....or how they ALWAYS "knew" how to do this or that....dont you hate people like that?

Ok...off to take a shower...pick what im gonna wear...leave early so i get there on time...calm my nerves........i'm such a geek.

I'll let you know what happens. :/

I’ve spoken about my neighbors in previous posts; they are a great couple Theresa and Tommy, with a gorgeous little 8 year old boy who comes to my house after school.  Although we’ve only known them for a few months, we’ve all become close, like family. When they went on vacation, we house sat for them, which implies a HUGE amount of trust…I guess we should be flattered, but quite honestly, if we left, I would have them do the same.

They have a lot of pets, they have three exotic birds, two guinea pigs, a hamster and a sweet black lab named Andy.

Theresa called me last night hysterically crying and told me that the people across the street shot Andy.

I was floored.  I mean, ok we live in what would be considered a rural area.  To our left is more of a suburban area, lots of houses with yards and white picket fences, to our right are Theresa and Tommy, and beyond them mostly farms and the paper company which is thousands of acres of forest.

On our side of the street, (T&T and us) there’s one other house Mr. & Mrs. J, a lovely couple who’s been here forever. All three of our houses are houses that have been here for years, were very nicely built, and have property with them. Across the street/road are a small trailer park, and two other trailers set separately and back off the road.

When we first came, an elderly lady around the corner had stopped by to welcome us and told us “don’t mess with those people” as she pointed to the trailer park “they nothing but trouble”. It was funny, but I did take it with a grain of salt because I don’t believe in pigeonholing people. I don’t think that just because someone lives in a trailer or in the projects that they are bad or that they are “trouble”.

Hey, I left home when I was 15, I’ve been homeless, I’ve lived on the street, in shelters, in the projects, then finally into my own apt when I was 17, and what a piece of shit it was. Now I live in a huge 13 room house on 3 acres of land. It was a long road here, trust me.

Problem is, every problem this neighborhood has had since we moved here has come from that trailer park. Though, I’m quite sure that not every person in there is bad, there are definitely some people there that have some serious issues.

Which brings me back to Andy.  Andy is a lab mix, he’s 9 years old and is a certified therapy dog, which just means that he is certified safe to work with children or disabled people….which further means that he has a very docile personality, and is “safe” at all times around people.  

The people across the street from Theresa, have a small trailer, and at any time of the day or night you can here them shooting off their guns, I once saw the guy light a huge bonfire right underneath a pine tree, driving their pickup in and out the driveway and revving down the street all times of the day or night and general “partying” on the weekends.  Which all in all, I ignore, one – because I don’t sit out in front of my house, we mostly sit in the back yard, (until we decide on what furniture we want for the porch at least) and two, I believe in live and let live, we don’t bother them, they don’t bother us….even more so because they are right across the road from Theresa, not us, so I probably notice them less than she does.

At any rate I digressed again, Teresa has an electronic gate, her property is completely gated, (we don’t have a gate across our driveway yet), but even though they have a gate, they still always kept Andy close to the house and only let him out when they were out or if we were all by the pool.  I’ve been around that dog many many days and have never seen him act other than docile.

Yesterday, someone left the gate open and also let Andy slip out of the house and he walked out the yard and across the street. Those people claimed that the dog attacked them, which in itself is crazy…..but even assuming that since they didn’t know the dog they were scared, shoot in the air!

I saw Andy’s body; the dog was shot in the spine on the upper part of his back. He was shot while he was running away. Most likely scared, and trying to come home.  The cops were called, and they filed a report but since nothing can be proved, nothing can be done.

After the cops left, we walked to the fence and could hear them laughing and talking…one of the women made a loud noise like a shotgun and fell into peals of laughter.   They told the cops that they were attacked, but less than an hour later they are laughing and yucking it up?  No apologies, no explanation, they never even came to tell anyone what happened, they dragged the dog into the ditch (so they said, we believe they shot him as he was crossing the ditch to come home) and left him there and went about their business.

I really don’t know what to say, Jessica was horrified and sobbed for hours, Theresa and even Tommy were sobbing, her sisters were there…we went over and stayed with them for a couple of hours for support, then the guys went in the woods and buried him.

Joey slept thru the whole thing, and we discussed it and felt it was best to tell him the dog passed in his sleep so as not to upset him too much, or make him scared…either of the people across the street (though I think he has every right to be scared) or scared of getting on the bus in the morning.

It’s crazy, in the city, I had to worry about people getting shot and killed, here it’s a dog….but it doesn’t bother me less. I loved Andy, he was a big black furry baby….he was wary of the pool, if you were in the pool he wouldn’t come anywhere near you. He loved to eat, and loved to be pet and rubbed, he would look up at you with those hazel eyes and you could just see the intelligence and personality in those eyes.  He had just been diagnosed with hip displasia (sp) and was walking a little stiff (further evidence that he was unable to “attack” someone, he couldn’t jump up on his hind legs) and was given shots by the vet. They gave him another 3 years tops before the pain would be too much and he would probably have to be put to sleep.

Well, Andy Pandy (our nickname for him) was taken before his time….and maybe it would have saved him a lot of pain, but damnit, no one deserved to take that choice from him or his family.

I would like to thank everyone who commented on my blog about my daughter. Everyone had really good things to say and I appreciated all of it.

When is comes to Jessica, someone once told me, when it comes to kids....

talk....

keep talking...

and dont stop talking.


I believe that is the key.  So what happens is, we talk ALL the time, and I try to be as open as possible with her. We talk about sex, what boys/men will expect, want, demand, desire from her, my experiences, Joe’s experiences, his point of view, my point of view...
 
and when i say we talk, we talk to her for hours at a time....we can start out talking about school, and segway into clothing styles, videos, boyfriends, marriage, children, society, history, law enforcement…you name it.

i talk to her in the car, in the pool, in the yard, at the supermarket, in bed, while we're cooking....any time we're in the same room is a good time to open the conversation.  It's been that way since before she could talk, i would walk around the kitchen while she was in her high chair and talk to her like she could answer, in the car I would talk to her about friends and clients and my hopes and dreams and she hadn't even said her first word.
 
My belief is, if YOU don’t talk to your kids, someone else will.

only three more days till my art course starts!!!!! yay for me!!!

My 13 year old, my only child has told me for the second time in six months that she thinks she is bisexual. I'm not mad, Im not happy, Im not sad..in fact I dont know what I am really. I dont know what to say to her, i questioned her

______________________________________________________

would you tongue kiss a girl?

no

would you have sex with a girl?

i wouldnt kiss one what makes you think i would have sex with one, besides, how do two girls have sex?

nice try, but your not dragging me into that one right now. do you still like boys?

yes, have you ever liked a girl?

yes, but we're not talking about me. so does this mean you cant have any more sleepovers?

i only like this one girl

what do you like about her

she's tough

so do you like her cause you want to BE her or because of her?

::shrugs:: i like her. i told her i like her

you told her? (inwardly clutching heart...."Elizabeth, I'm coming honey!!!") <~~~sanford and son reference for those that don't know

yep and i asked if she liked me, and she said not really, so that means maybe


::sound of me hitting floor:::
____________________________________________

ok lets get a couple things straight

• i am not opposed to her being gay if that is her choice. I wouldn't say I want it because I would like for her to have a regular family, and I want grandkids...thats not to say that she couldnt have a gay regular family, and kids, but most gays will admit, it's harder. Many of my gay friends have told me this wouldn't be a choice for them, to be ostracized and hated by their family. I would never hate her no matter what her choice, and I know its starting to sound like im defending myself, so im gonna let it go cause
  
  
• I've dated women before. so i guess some would call me a bisexual...even though its been many many years since it happened last, if i met the right woman, with joe's blessings (which by the way he said he would give, as long as it didn't interfere with our relationship, whoo hoo, lol) I might consider it again. might.
  
  
• no, she has never seen me interact with a woman, this was way before her time
  
  
• my first kiss with a woman was bar-none one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced
  
  
• I am totally clueless how to deal with this.
  
  

do i just listen and not say anything, cause if i say something in the nagative then she may continue out of spite? and if i say something in the positive she may think im condoning it? Being quiet seems the best option to me, let her work it out, and dont take sides...I ask her quesions to make her think, but if she has this leaning, is there really any way I can stop it?

and please dont leave a message unless you have something helpful to say, anything about the bible will be deleted. I believe in God, but I also believe that people have a right to choose who they love.

I think I talked about my dreams once before in my 101 things about me post and I don't mean dreams about what i wanna do with my life, I mean the ones you have at night.

Every since I can remember, there have been certain consistencies in my dreams, if I dreamt of fish, someone I knew would be pregnant....Now please keep in mind, this has happened at least 20 times since I was 18....I've had friends who knew they were preggers, and when I told them about the dream, lied to me and said it wasn't them, and then later told me they were scared shitless cause they thought I knew it was them.

I don't claim to know the future, or to be psychic, I just dream of fish.

So far have had 100% success rate. And I'm also not talking about the lady down the street, or the cashier at the grocery store....No, these are friends, close friends.

Then there's the other dream.

The baby dream.

Simply put, if I dream of a baby, someone close to me dies. It's happened about 6 times in my life. Once when my sister was killed, once it was an ex boyfriend, once it was jessicas uncle...you get the picture. It's never a nightmare, its always just a regular dream.

It only turns into a nightmare, when I wake up.

I had the dream last night.

Only it was a little different.

It was two babies.

I was in an apartment, and my sister was sitting on the couch with these two little babies playing near her that were obviously hers, (they were a girl and a boy, and one was a bit taller than the other) I remember thinking how did she have two babies so close in age? (my thinking was they looked like they weren't the same age, but were close enough in age for it not to be possible to have two)..Then I heard voices and I walked to the back door and saw Joe talking to my brother (who's currently incarcerated, that's a whole other story), I hugged my brother and pretty much that's all I remember before I woke up.

This afternoon my sister calls me and I told her about the dream...Because she was at work, she told me she would call me back on her lunch hour. She called me back about a half hour later and said "you need to get checked out" I was like "huh?", she goes "I SAID, you need to get your brain examined girl".

Here's the deal; a few minutes after we got off the phone, she called her doctor. She had terminated a pregnancy last week (another story) but she needed to call and make a follow up appointment (I guess the baby dream reminded her) and they made the appointment, then the doctor said he needed to tell her something, and rambled about insurance and such. Then he told her, he had removed two fetuses.

She was having twins.

I suppose that's why they were so close in age in my dream...

I suppose you think I'm crazy....

I'm hoping this was just a dream about them and not something to come.

My friend Bernice sent me the link of an awesome artist, a little creepy in a Nightmare Before Christmas kind of way, but I'm intrigued...... Scott Radke. I make dolls as well, I will post some at a later date...these dolls he did I think were done with paperclay, which is a medium I haven't tried yet, but I really want to try it. It looks like it has a lot of possibilities, and it's much much lighter than real clay, so it gives you more freedom, like how he makes marrionettes, you couldnt do that with real clay it would be too heavy.

My art supplies arrived today...closest thing to Xmas I've felt in a long time, lol. I unpacked everything, but I haven't opened anything....I'll do that tomorrow, pack a bag of everything I have to take. Class starts next Tuesday. I'm just working and cleaning house every day and trying not to think about it. I cant wait. ::cheese::

oh yeah, and this guy wasted like an hour of my time today Whitless, but oh...di I laugh my ass off. lol

My nephew, Khalid is having a love affair with Michael Jackson. No, not in the way you're thinking, my nephew has recently become one of MJ's biggest fans. I think it started about a year ago and he heard a song or two, then he watched the HIStory dvd at my house and that's all she wrote. He loves his music, his dancing, he likes to dance like him...he just adores MJ.

SO I did something the other day...my sister said that since he started kindergarten this year, he's been having it a little rough, because he's not used to sitting at a desk all day (I though you got to play in K, and not sit at a desk all day?) so he's been getting a few time outs. And he's struggling a little with the abc's and 123's....and he gets so frustrated, he'll throw the pen down and burst into tears and say "I just cant do it!"

So I called him yesterday, and at first he was a little reticent about speaking to me, cause he knew he had been in trouble and probably thought I was going to go off on him, but I just asked him how he was, and he cautiously answered "I awright", I told him I heard he was having touble in school, and he said he was, and I told him he had to concentrate and listen to the teacher...then he goes "well, auntie, i twying to be a man, but it hard" (ok, that bought tears to my eyes), and I told him he didnt have to be a man, that was for when he grew up, right now I just wanted him to be a big boy and listen to his teacher....then I did it....

I told him that I spoke to Michela Jackson.

I know it sounds bad, but Khalid and my other nephew, Tyquan, know that I am in the music business, over the years they have seen the celebs I have worked with, they have seen me on tv, they have seen the cd's and tapes, pictures, clothes ect that have flooded my home office...so it's not too out there to think, that I had actually spoke to Michael Jackson. After all, I had just given them autographed posters from one of the biggest names in the WWE. Michael Jackson...that was easy.

He was silent for a second...then the questions poured out, how?, why?, when?....but most importantly I explained to him that everyone had problems with there abc's and their 123's, even MJ...but that if we tried hard we could do anything...even become famous, but we had to try hard and work hard.

Hey...he agreed, and promised to do better...and I told him Mike would send him a autographed pic if he did better in school, which I may or may not be really able to get...if not, there's always ebay.

Am I going to hell?


lol

(ps, I dont always bribe my kids (I consider all of my nieces and nephews "my kids") but in this case, with him just starting into a totally alien system and having to get acclimated to totally changing his ways, I felt something drastic, or "great" was in order)

SO I finally found a template I was happy with from this site, and then I got a couple emails (thanks mzpowderpink) saying it wasnt accepting the comments. Damn them!!

so anyway, i had to go with this old generic template and just be happy with it....they need to come up with some better ones, had these same tired ones for years now.

::grumble, grumble::

This is how the moon looked last night, they call it a harvest moon. I went to pick Jess up from the rollerskating rink, and the wind was blowing, and as I sped through the night on these dark country roads, the wind tossed handfulls of dry autumn leaves across the road. As they danced past my headlights the moon beamed down into the car though the moonroof, and it seemed a most perfect a night as I've seen in a long time. Winter is coming....the days are still hot as hell, but the nights eminate a chill, the trees are changing color, and there's an unmistakable scent of ripe apples, dying leaves and winter pine in the air, and it makes me happy. I'm looking forward to the fall days, pumkins, quilts and blankets, lighting the fireplace for the first time, cutting wood, wearing heavier clothes (but of course nothing like the clothes we had to wear when we lived in NJ), Halloween, Thanksgiving, cooking our first Thanksgiving dinner in this home, and let's not even get started on Christmas...

So I was totally gassed about my upcoming art class, but then I had some bills come up that couldn't be put off. I paid for the art class, but when they sent me the confirmation in the mail, they also included something that they had not previously told me about, a double sided list of supplies I would need for the class. Why did I think it was all inclusive...naive I guess. So that kind of stonewalled me, because when i went to a site that I know has relativly cheap art supplies, it still came up to about 160. I pretty much decided I was gonna call it a wrap.

I'm not about to ask Joe's mom for money cause she hounds you and hounds you until you give it back, it's demeaning, and I hate borrowing money as it is, it just makes it all the more distasteful. A few friends I thought of are prety much struggling themselves to support their families or just their life period, so I knew that was out of the question. Then I thought of one friend of mine, (we'll call him by his online name, NoRib) who might be able to do it, but I was just sick with not wanting to ask. But i've been like a little kid looking forward to christmas, and if I miss this class, not only would I lose money, but there's not another class till next september....so I decided to ask.

He said yes...no qualms, no questions. Not only did he buy me the stuff I needed but he also got me some extra stuff that was on my wishlist. I had told NoRib some time ago I would update his website for him, and before we got off the phone, he said go ahead and do the site, and we'll call it even. I can't even begin to describe how happy he made me, I'm not even sure he knows....just the fact that I will still be able to take this class is just a slice of heaven for me. Today I will call NoRib my angel. I know it may not seem like much, but honestly, I don't ask for much, I just like to do the simple things that make me happy. This whole move was a drain on my finances, but I look forward to the future because i know everything will be fine.

---

On a nother note check out my PhotBlog for pics of my puppies and kitties!! I only posted a pic of my kitty Dill, I have to find the pic of my other kitty Mia. But I did post the puppies Napoleon, Scout and Spiderman.

Cause he married her crazy ass.




Someone please let me know what's going on here. Please?















Is that gold teeth or braces?


Nas has this look on his face....like when you were a kid, and you were so embarassed, that you wished that a hole could open in the floor and you could fall in and be in another (unembarassing) dimension? I always thought Kelis was a decent looking chick, and right now, she not only looks fugly...hair, teeth...clothes, pick one...she looks downright curazy!

I feel like crap today. I had these wild dreams all night, and woke up probably every hour...just made for a night of bad sleep. Dreamt of frogs, and water, and sharing a peace pipe with a native friend of mine, he was telling me something and for the life of me I can't remember what it was....i wish I did.

I got the paperwork for the art class today, and they sent a list of supplies. Supplies? I thought they were going to supply everything...at 165 dollars I would think they should damnit. Now I have to come up with the money for these supplies and I am not happy about it. bills bills bills.

I hate martha stewart. I caught her show "martha" today...its a cooking show/celebrity kiss ass/let me talk about prison every chance I get" show. and then they play the kmart commercial showing all of her stuff for sale.

I just watched the show she did with david spade, who incidently i think is very funny, but every dish she made was centered around snacks she made in prison! I thought this was a joke at first, a poor taste joke, but at least if it was a joke, I could get over it.

what is wrong with this woman??? going to prison is not like going to a day spa...and people that come out, arent showing off their cooking skills on national tv, they're struggling to find a HOME....A JOB....FOOD....

jesus, then she talks about this woman in prison who crocheted, and I've heard that grey poncho she wore home was made by a woman in prison, and there were over a million inquiries for this poncho...so on the show...she has this woman in a van that they keep cutting to thats crocheting ponchos....is this the woman from jail? did that woman get any money or credit for this poncho? is she even allowed to get money while in jail?

and all the while Martha goes on and on about how they couldnt get butter, or cinnimon in jail, how they had to "make do"..... you're in JAIL you dumbass.

How they made a cheese grater by punching holes in a tin box......but oh my, did she make do...baked apples in the microwave, using the skin of a grapefruit for garnish, sugar cubes, cheese sandwiches in paper bags...she even made apple jelly in jail for chrissakes using a pillowcase to strain it. :::choking noise:::

I hate her for making light of a situation that will forever remaina a nightmare for many any people.

---

Then there's the martha I love....she can take a piece of string, a sock and a safety pin and make a gorgeous xmas ornament. I love her books and magazines, they give me so much to think about and imagine, and tons of great ideas for the holidays.

I was oblivious to the shit my mother was going thru by being a "white" woman in the 50's (technically she's Puerto rican/Cherokee and her father was Irish) having me by a half african, half sicilian man and then going on to marry a full blooded black man. Her family cut her off, her mother wouldnt speak to her, and her brother said she died.

I was quite oblivious to race period...i was a black-haired curly-topped light skinned-ed kid, with my "black" nose, my little friends at that time were black, white, purto rican, chinese and I think one of the kids was portugese. We lived in an apartment building, that was clean and safe enought to not be called the projects, and it was wonderful. Walks to Weequhae(sp) park down the street, mommas having their sun chairs in the back parking lot while the kids played there.


I remember being the oldest, and anything that came out of my mouth was true to them kids. They would look up at me in wonder as I told them about aliens that took people to their planets, sharks that could swim on land, bugs that lived in your mattress and most of all the man who lived in the basement apt all the way at the end of the parking lot.

the end of the parking lot was where the last buliding sat, along with the huge metal garbage dumps, broken cars, mattresses, old sneakers hung from the wire, and you just know there was a rabid dog in there somewhere, not to mention a rat or two.

So as the mothers lay sunning, gossiping and drinking, we would huddle across the yard, and everone would look up at me expectantly for the story of the day. Would it be sharks (afterwards, I'd chase them around with the du du....du du....dudududu..." shark sound while they screamed. Which I always got in trouble for, go figure, I wasnt the one screaming! Or maybe the story about the aliens, and how they came to my room last night and asked me who they should pick up next, and have them beg me for hours to see if I had given their name, lol, some were actually hoping I did, but I never got fooled by that.

Or maybe...today was the day, when we talked about MR WILSON! Mr wilson lived in the basement apartment in the last building at the end of the parking lot. While all the other buildings were accessable thru the basement door, his wasnt cause it was piled high with shit, and you would have to wade thru it to even get to the door...and then there was the smell...So I would start out by how he moved here, as we slowly made our way to the end of the parking lot.....strolling nonchalontly I would, tell of his evil exploints and having been in jail for killing and eating little kids, the we would round the rusty oldsmobile and be face to face with his basement door.

Why was it dark down here when it was sunny out? I never knew. I would keep up the soothing conversation as we walked closer, I was so smooth, some kids even leaned on the rail to hear me clearer, towards the end of my tail my voice would get higher and higher, until i was screaming that he was coming and banging to make sure they thought he was and OH, the shrieks...(you should have heard the horrendous noise that came out of these kids mouths), across the parking lot like some hysterical ambulance wailing at the top of their lungs....some even crying.....screaming MissssTER WALKeeeeerrr gonnnne get UUUUUUUUUsssssss. The mothers would put down their drinks and books, in anticipation of the deluge of children jumping into their laps and just look at me.

My mother would look at me thru her dark glasses....finally she would pull them down onto her nose so I could see her eyes and say "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

In an attempt not to laugh, i would slam the toe of my Ked on the ground just hard enough to hurt (cause oh if she saw me laugh, i would be hurting much more)::shrugging:: "Nothin momma, I was just telling them a story."

"Well your stories are fucking killing us" she'd say and the other women would murmer with approval. "Sorry?" I'd say. "Go on and play" she would say, and "NO MORE STORIES!"

who waS she kidding? the kids would beg for it, i was like a story junkie and they were jonesing for the high i gave them...they couldnt get this shit in school, at nightime bedstories, reading time at the library....hell nah, this was the real deal right here, I even had a kid piss in his pants once. I got a beating for that one. They would be on me from the time I walked out the door, tell us a story, tell us about Mister wilson, you can have my candy....you can have my toy, just tell us a story.

What could I do?

I told em a story and it went that way the whole summer....the more I said no, the more they begged, the more I gave in, the more I got my ass whooped. What a summer.

I'm watching this show on discovery channel, its called The Flight that Fought Back, about flight 93. I told myself I wasn't going to watch it, because I know its been 4 years, but I think that there were so many many many lies told about wht happened and each year it gets fed and fed and the lies are believed more and more. At any rate, I still believe this plane was shot down to protect it from hitting DC. But no matter what, looking at these people, and knowing they died on this plane and knew for a while in advance that this was it...they were going to die at any moment...had to be hell....it had to be the worst hell anyone could imagine, to call your family and say goodbye, knowing this is it....whatever you did or didnt do, this was it...bless them all.

Then, as I have my new wi-fi, im using my laptop in the bedroom and blogrolling (going from one blog to another) and I came across this blog about a woman who went to africa as a missionary, and in pat XI she talks about how these women spoke about being raped and brutalized by soldiers, and then when they were freed, their own husbands wouldnt take them back because they had been with other men....so in a sense they were brutalized twice, and now many of them are left to live on the street as beggers.

and im just overwhelmed right now....i'm overwhelmed at the injustice in this world, how so many are living so large and have tons of money and wealth at their disposal, while others are living a life so poor it's unimaginable. I know that suffering is a part of life....we all have suffered at some point, but it still hurts, and makes me ask myself again and again, what can I do to help?
africa, and I tell myself there are people here in our own communities that need help too. It's so hard, and how do you find the time in your own life, with your own daily crap to do for others, even as you may not have all the money and time to give? ::sigh::
I know it could not have been an easy thing to just up and go to

I never saw the original Alfie, but I watched the recent adaptation of it. I loved it, just looking at Jude Laws gorgeous mug was an erotic experience in its own right, watching his exploits was hilarious, and seeing him get his comeuppance in the end all made for a satisfactory watch.

Then....I saw the original Alfie today....I caught t about 15-20 minutes in, and I didn't really plan on watching it, but I'm glad I did. The original makes this years Alfie look like a pile of pretty shit. As poignant and pretty as Jude Law made his scenes, he wishes that he could dream, that one day he could have given a performance on par with Michael Caine. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of Caine, (so much not so, that I didn't even realize it was him until after about 15 minutes into the movie.) Original Alfie, made my heart stop in more than one place, had my mouth hanging open in others and Caine was really a despicable bastard as I've ever seen.

At least Jude, even at his worst was not totally uncaring, but Caine on the other hand....Despicable is really the perfect word to describe him....Disgustingly despicable. I'm finding hard to believe that he'll even be able to turn around by the end of the movie. Still watching it....about 10 more minutes to go.

Update: Ok, I thought there was 10 more minutes, the dang movie just ended right there....he doesn't "turn around", he just ends the movie with the "what's it all about" saying and the song comes in and that's it... no real regrets, no moping, no asking for forgiveness.....no neat satisfactory ending.

It leaves you wondering...wondering if he's changed, wondering if he ever got his shit together....and that...That's what makes it a better movie than the new Alfie. New Alfie, once it was over, I don't think I ever thought about it again....Old Alfie....it's going to take a while for me to stop thinking about it....thinking about what kind of man would call a woman an "it", about him walking in the kitchen and seeing the body of his aborted baby, him walking out on his son, despite the fact that he loved him more than he loved anything. Kudos to Michel Caine, Jude may be beautiful, but he's no Caine.

.

I signed up for an art class!!! Yeah, it's a little expensive ($165) but when I mentioned it to Joe, he said "take it! I don't care if you have to let a bill get turned off, take it!" I was a little shocked how passionate he was about it. Maybe he just wants me to get out the house...or maybe he knows how badly I want it...but I did it, i paid the bills...and just did it!

I've actually been painting for about 4 years now. I'd always drew, took photographs (which to me is a form of painting, as you have to line the pictures up in a certain way to create the canvas you want), made jewelry, and clothes...all forms of artistic expression but I always had the desire to paint.

But I thought that in order to paint, you had to have some type of training....no way you could just pick up paint and a canvas and just start painting. But after a while the urge got so strong, thats exactly what I did. I went in the store, bought some paint, some canvases, and a bunch of other shit that I had no idea what it was for, and I took a dive. I created 23 collages/paintings in a year, pretty good amount so I'm told.

This is one of my paintings, it is called Joseph,



after Joseph and the coat of many colors. It's very much in the style of how I like to paint....if you know anything about art, you'll definitly be able to see that I love Gustav Klimt....

My favorite pieces by him are The Kiss, which one of his more popular ones..



The Fulfillment is another favorite, because I see myself and Joe when I look at it...



But I think my most favorite is one called Salome



from the story in the bible where she danced for the King, and he granted her a wish, and she requested the head of John the Baptist....as you can see his head dangles from her hand. Very morbid I know, but this piece fascinates me.

Anyway, a couple people asked me, why I am taking an art class when I'm already painting. Well it's kinda like cooking...I cook, and I cook very well, in fact, not only do I cook better than anyone I personally know, but I cook better than most restaraunts I've eaten at. (quite modest arent I? lol) However, would I benefit from a cooking class? most definitly...theres tons of stuff I probably dont know, lots of little tips and tricks I could benefit from.

Same with the art class. I was reading a book on acrylics (which is about how I learn to do everything...from books) and they were showing different layering tecniques...I found out I had been doing two of them by my own learning, one which had actually become a habit. However, if I learned two just on my own, imagine how many I could learn if I took a class?!

did i mention how excited I am?...I'm practically jumping up and down with glee. Im so happy :)

Today is Joe and I's 4th year anniversary. Wow, i can hardly believe we've been together for so long. The best part it, it's been relatively pain free. Oh we've had our arguments, and our ups and downs, he's made me cry a couple times just being an asshole, but we've stuck thru thick and thin, and made it to this point. He's never cheated on me, that i know of, he's never been one to hang out all night with the "boys" or spend all his money at the titty bar. If he makes 100 bucks he gives me 99, and he pulls his weight around the house (for the most part, lol). He may bitch about washing the dishes, but he does the laundry. He won't cook, but he'll never let me lift anything over 10 pounds, lol. He's a good guy, and I'm glad to have him.

Until we moved here and got stuck with this skinny shower, we took a shower every night together. He lets me read to him (well he did until he started working, now he has to get up at 5am). He always lets me control the remote. We never run out of things to talk about. He still kisses me in the morning before he leaves and again when he gets home. He LOVES my daughter, and treats her like his own. He encourages my creativity and deals with my artistic quirks. We can argue like cats and dogs over apoint, but he has no problem admitting if he was wrong.

The sex is outstanding 95% of the time, and I've never cheated on him, nor would I want to. I just love him.

I saw this on someone elses site, and i was like..."could i possibly write 100 things about me?" so here goes.

1. I speed read

2. I've always secretly wanted to be a magician

3. I bite my nails

4. I am an insomniac

5. I wish I owned a book store or a library so I could have hundreds or thousands of books

6. I've always wanted to be a cop, but my life never went in that direction

7. I miss some of my old friends, but not enough to contact them

8. I want to lose weight

9. I hate the fact that my daughter is so pretty just about as much as I love it

10. I just found out after 4 years that my boyfriend has a cleft chin cause he's always worn a goatee

11. i think his chin is the cutest :)

12. sometimes I shop to make me feel better

13. i love animals

14. I have two cats, Mia and Dill, both females

15. We have 3 dogs (blue tick & beagle), all boys. Napoleon, Scout and Spider Man (cause he has climbed over every fence we've built)

16. I stopped smoking 5 years ago

17. i still sneak a cig every once in a while

18. I smoked a pack in the past three months

19. i wish my house was paid for, mortgages scare me

20. owing any large amount of money scares me

21. i'm sloppy

22. i hate being sloppy

23. but i can find anything in my sloppyness, lol there's a method to my madness

24. I never wear gold, only silver, white gold or platinum

25. I love diamonds

26. but I dont own any, I wish I did

27. I've been all over the world

28. but i've never been to an island or to africa

29. my dream would be to visit africa particularly egypt

30. I have 4 tattoos, one on my wrist, one on my ankle and a japanese fire dragon on my back

31. I want more tattoos

32. I've even thought about decorative scarification, but i know joe would be against it

33. I have 12 piercings, 5 in each ear (one is thru the top of my ear), a (closed) nose piercing, and my tongue is pierced. Compared to some peircings today I look normal, lol

34. I love driving, it's soothing. even long distance.

35. I love driving at night, i play my music, and just let the wind blow thru my hair and im in heaven

36. I love my nieces and nephews, Giavanni 2, Khalid 5, Tyquan 8, Monique 13 and Cheyenne 12

37. Im afraid I'm too old to make new friends

38. I dont have many friends anymore

39. i used to have lots and lots of "friends"......then i grew up

40. i think this list is such a conceited thing to do, i mean who really cares to know this much about me? yet i feel compusively obligated to complete it ::shrugs:: go figure.

41. i do a lot of things out of compulsion

42. i've never broken a bone

43. i LOVE movies....

44. I collect dvd's I have hundreds of them

45. I LOVE movie trailers, its like the best parts of the movie packed into 2 minutes...like a movie altoid, lol

46. I love the whole "doink doink" (Law & Order) series, every single one of them.

47. ditto for the CSI series

48. I've recently fallen head over heels for Third Watch (it's only been out for what, four seasons already? I'm so late)

49. I'm a shoe whore...well not as bad as I used to be, but i still am

50. I have two goldfish that live in a pot pond that i made on my deck, Oscar and Peanut

51. I can't believe I made it to number 50

52. I'm an incurable chocoholic...i'm especially in love with expensive dark chocolate

53. I also love limes

54. I can cook better than anyone I know, and better than most of the restaraunts i've ever eaten at

55. I have an addictive personality

56. Joe loves to rub my belly but i never let him

57. and when i do, he loves it so much

58. i want to own a camper and travel across the states

59. everytime i dream of fish, someone close to me is preggers

60. I used to model, after I had my daughter, i full figured modeled

61. I still get asked to model, but i think I'm too fat

62. I've won a bunch of modeling competitions

63. I've been painting since 2002

64. I've always drawn and doodled and done various other artistic things

65. but i always thought you had to be "professional" to paint

66. one day I just said "eff it" and bought some canvas and paint

67. I painted 39 paintings in about 8 months

68. I can't imagine selling my paintings, though i know i will have to part with them eventually

69. they are like my babies

70. I have 6 sisters

71. two of them were killed at different times by their husbands

72. I am paranoid about this, i wonder if one day I will be killed by a man I love

73. or if it will happen to my daughter or another one of my sisters

74. I know this is not healthy, but I can't help it

75. My aunt committed suicide by drinking lye, because her husband left her

76. sometimes I think the women in my family are cursed

77. my favorite parts of my body are my lips and my feet

78. most people like my breasts and my hair

79. my hair is so long I can sit on it

80. I hate washing it

81. it stops up my tub and i wind up pulling hair out of my crack

82. I love guns

83. I own a rifle and a shotgun

84. I want to get an handgun next, probably a 9mm

(guns don't kill, people do. So don't email me with your crap)

85. my brother is in jail for shooting someone in the head

86. I have two older brothers who I never met because their father kidnapped them when him and my mother split. She hasnt seen them since. they were 3 and 4.

87. I've been trying to locate them for over 10 years

88. I've been writing poetry for as long as I can remember

89. I have started 3 books and finished none

90. I have been doing photography for about 8 years

91. I hate the fact that I dont take pictures like I used to

92. I'm going to start taking more pics

93. I love how I look with a tan, but fear getting cancer

94. I've been writing a letter to my sister Denise's husband, the one who killed her, for 6 years...

95. I still havent finished it

96. I hate all sports except for boxing and extreme fighting

97. red is my favorite color not apple red, but dark red, blood red....black, dark green, and brown are close seconds

98. i've only considered suicide once

99. when my sister Denise was killed

100. I've never had a man hit me

101. I think I would kill a man if he did

David Brooks, Republican columnst for the New York Times writes:

The first rule of the social fabric - that in times of crisis you protect the vulnerable - was trampled... Leaving the poor in New Orleans was the moral equivalent of leaving the injured on the battlefield."

feel the need to write, but am at a loss for anything clever to say, why do i always feel like i have to say something clever or witty? i seem to be able to be more honest and forthcoming in comments on other peoples blogs than I am with my own entries. not that it matters, no one reads this crap anyway, and i dare not put a counter on here lest i get obsessed with how many visitors i get a day. why am i so flighty? why can't i focus on anything for any length of time? laziness? short attention span? add? i've developed some bad habits as time has gone by but i find the need to be creative has grown immeasurably stronger. I feel the need to make something with my hands almost all the time now. of course i cannot answer that need many times due to other responsibilities, but its there, crawling under my skin, dying to get out.

on another note, i spoke to an aquaintance the other day...i can't say friend because even though she's been to my house a number of times for holidays, we still only speak a few times a year, she's a little odd, very talkative and tends to spout off at the strangest times about the weirdest shit. She cornered Joe last christmas dinner and out-talked him, made him quite uncomfortable. lol at any rate, she called when jess and i were at the neighbors pool, and she's talking to jess for a while and i guess jess filled her in on the fact that we'd moved, bought a house, ect. next thing i know, jess goes "_______ wants to know how much you would charge her to rent a room?" i'm like "a room where?" lol

so i get on the phone with her to see where her head is at and why she would ask something like that, and she proceeds to go on and on about how living in different parts of the country means you will fall victim to various droughts, hurricans, earthquakes, etc. That she wishes her parents were alive so she could live with them without paying rent, how she wants to write a book, and wants someone to pay her bills for three or four months so she can have all the free time she wants to devote to her book.

since i have recently become outspoken in my old age (38)(shut up julie), i told her, dont we all wish we could get someone to pay our bills while we (pick one) painted, drew, wrote, sewed, screwed, acted, modeled, or danced our way to stardom??? You have to man-the-fuck-up and just do it cause no one is going to drop out of the sky and just give you 3 or 4 mos worth of bill money, grow the fuck up.

well...she got quite hot with me and told me just because i had my dreams come true by having a nice house and a bunch of space didnt mean that her dreams couldnt come true. ??? am i missing something?

so i told her that a. having a house did not mean all my dreams came true, as long as i'm alive i'll have goals (and im not dead yet i dont think) and b. wishing someone to pay your bills so you could do what you wanted to do and then hopefully become famous, and not doing anything to achieve that goal otherwise, wasnt a dream, it was an excuse not to accomplish anything because IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. not unless you're screwing them in all your free time between writing, and maybe not even then. anyways, she got all pissy at me and we hung up on a bad note, and sorry to say if i never speak to her again so be it. even jess had a laugh about it, even her 13 year old self knows you dont get anything in this life for free.

...and we still have dead bodies laying on the sidewalk in NO....


Offers Pour In, but the U.S. Is Unprepared

By JOEL BRINKLEY and CRAIG S. SMITH
Published: September 8, 2005


WASHINGTON, Sept. 7 - Generous offers of aid for Hurricane Katrina victims are pouring in from scores of nations, but in many cases the United States is unprepared to receive the goods.

As a result, the State Department is pressing countries that are offering the use of helicopters, water purification equipment and telecommunications gear, among other items, to provide cash or ready-to-eat meals instead.

"The worst thing we could do, the worst thing, is to take things" and "have them sit on the ground and not be utilized, to have something rot," said Harry K. Thomas, the State Department's executive secretary, who is coordinating with other governments. Many countries are being told that the most useful donation is money, and some European countries are bemused - or frustrated.

"There is a lot of stuff offered, but we are having a problem getting it over," said Claes Thorson, a spokesman at the Swedish Embassy in Washington.

Even with the difficulties, foreign aid is beginning to arrive at or near the Gulf Coast, including ready-to-eat meals from Britain, tents from France, first-aid kits and baby formula from Italy. All told, the State Department said Wednesday, donations from 49 nations or international organizations have been accepted - including $428 million in cash.

The bulk of the cash came from three oil-rich Arab nations. Kuwait, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates each offered $100 million.

The State Department says 95 countries, half of the world's nations, have promised aid in one form or another. But the department says the government is still evaluating many of the proposals to see if they can actually be used. Among the nations that have pledged assistance are several that receive significant American aid, including Israel, Afghanistan and Iraq.

The United States is more accustomed to giving aid than receiving it, and the Bush administration seemed to have trouble accepting the role reversal, at least at first. Early last week, President Bush said the United States could take care of itself.

"I do expect a lot of sympathy, and perhaps some will send cash dollars," he said. "But this country is going to rise up and take care of it."

As the size of the crisis became apparent, the view changed. But the preparations to receive anything but the simplest forms of aid have not caught up.

Mr. Thomas explained that the United States has no experience with situations like this. Speaking to reporters on Wednesday, he said several times, "This is unprecedented."

Last weekend, the State Department sent urgent requests for international aid through the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, the United Nations and the European Union. At the top of the list was cash. Most of the other items requested were basic goods like food, water, medical supplies and diapers.

When Sweden received the American request, it loaded a Hercules C-130 transport plane with water purification equipment, emergency power generators and components for a temporary cellphone network. The plane has been ready to take off since noon Saturday, but has not been given clearance by Washington.

"We are still waiting for the green light," Victoria Forslund said at the Foreign Ministry in Stockholm. Sean McCormack, the State Department spokesman, said, "If there are any miscommunications on this matter, we want to make it very clear we value their offer of assistance."

Sweden is not the only country that has encountered a problem. France, Germany, India and Taiwan, among others, are awaiting answers to offers. The slow acceptance after the urgent request has only increased the puzzlement of many countries. Mr. Thomas said embassy officers in each country have tried to explain why the aid requests are being handled as they are and insisted "every country has heard back from us."

On Monday, only one plane bearing foreign aid arrived in Little Rock, Ark., a staging area. On Tuesday, 11 planes arrived. Wednesday and Thursday, more planes - from Britain, China, France, Russia, Spain and Israel - are due.

As Europe prepares more supplies, officials say they are beginning to wonder whether the aid is really needed or will ever be used.

"That's our preoccupation right now," said Barbara Helfferich, a spokeswoman for the executive branch of the European Union.

Ali emailed me that Christopher Williams died. I just got a copy of New Jack City in the mail today, I know it was just released to DVD, i think the anniversary edition....cat was only 38 so Im wondering if this is a publicity stunt?

as they say here in the south, meaning to just get something done already! If you're like me and giving to the red cross leaves you a lil uneasy, here's some alternative and a few direct New Orleans contacts that you can call or send donations to.

1. MONETARY DONATIONS Monetary donations can be sent to these outlets, which we have confirmed are REALLY delivering services to folks in need...

http://www.BlackAmericaWeb.com Relief Fund PO Box 803209 Dallas, TX 75240 OR you can make an online donation by going to www. blackamericaweb.com/relief (This fund has been set up by nationally syndicated radio personality TOM JOYNER)

Team Rescue www.teamrescueone.com Set up by native New Orleans rapper Master P and his wife Sonya Miller.

NAACP Disaster Relief Efforts The NAACP is setting up command centers in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama as part of its disaster relief efforts. NAACP units across the nation have begun collecting resources that will be placed on trucks and sent directly into the disaster areas. Also, the NAACP has established a disaster relief fund to accept monetary donations to aid in the relief effort. Checks can be sent to the NAACP payable to: NAACP Hurricane Katrina Relief Fund 4805 Mt. Hope Drive Baltimore, MD 21215 Donations can also be made online at www.naacp.org/disaster/contribute.php

2. WHERE TO MAIL NON-PERISHABLE ITEMS You can mail or ship non-perishable items to these following locations, which we have confirmed are REALLY delivering services to folks in need:

Center for LIFE Outreach Center 121 Saint Landry Street Lafayette, LA 70506 attn.: Minister Pamela Robinson 337-504-5374

Mohammad Mosque 65 2600 Plank Road Baton Rouge, LA 70805 attn.: Minister Andrew Muhammad 225-923-1400 225-357-3079

Lewis Temple CME Church 272 Medgar Evers Street Grambling, LA 71245 attn.: Rev. Dr. Ricky Helton 318-247-3793

S.H.A.P.E. Community Center 3815 Live Oak Houston, Texas 77004 attn.: Deloyd Parker 713-521-0641

St. Luke Community United Methodist Church c/o Hurricane Katrina Victims 5710 East R.L. Thornton Freeway Dallas, TX 75223 attn.: Pastor Tom Waitschies 214-821-2970

3. FIND OUT WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON Interview with Mayor of New Orleans Ray Nagin http://www.atypical.net/mm/nagin.mp3

ALTERNATIVE MEDIA OUTLETS Alternative media outlets where you can get a more accurate and balanced presentation of the New Orleans catastrophe.

PLEASE VISIT all these websites.

www.diversityinc .com
www.alternet.org
www.blackel ectorate.com
www.npr.org
www.daveyd.com
www.slate.com
www.allhiphop.com
www.democr acynow.com
www.blackamericaweb.com

So I heard Bill Maher showed the captions that go along with some of these news stories. (thanks to Blood on my Teeth)

Under the caption for the black an it says " a young man wades through chest deep flood waters after LOOTING a grocery store"

Under a picture of a white couple "wading through water, after FINDING bread at a local grocery store"

What is the difference in these two pictures? NOT A DAMN THING. It's Just RASCIST!

go to this site and watch the video of geraldo rivera, it's unbelievable....totally unbelievable....

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/09/02.html#a4762

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This crappy site Juicee news (dont bother going to the site and giving them the traffic, I'll list the whole article below and the email where you can give them a piece of your mind) claims that Kanye "ruined" the relief show. So I guess if you don't follow the teleprompter you're not "American", you're selfish, and trying to steal the hurricane pr for yourself. these people are the sheep that are leading blind people to their destruction.

-------------------

(JND) - In a selfish and unprofessional move, Kanye West took the spotlight off of
the victims of Hurricane Katrina, placing it on himself Friday night during the NBC
Hurricane Katrina Relief program.

Just before being cut by NBC executives, West stated: "George Bush doesn't care
about black people."

West's comments were later cut from the program when aired on the West Coast.

Instead of calling the Red Cross telephone lines with promises of donations, people filled the lines wth complaints about West's remarks.

NBC has issued a statement denouncing West's comments. NBC has since added a disclaimer to the program which it is currently re-running on MSNBC.

The American Red Cross has also issued a statement in which they stated: "We cannot, and we do not endorse any comments of a political nature."

Juicee News has found a video of Kanye West during his rant. [West is also scheduled to speak at another fundraiser next week]

In a disgusting display, West strayed from his prepared script to offer an overflow of hatred from his mouth, taking the spotlight off of the matter at hand, turning the relief program into his own personal soapbox. Whether or not anyone agrees with Mr. West... it was clear that now was not the time to voice such harsh opinions

West appeared on-screen with comedian Mike Myers, who was obviously shaken by West's remarks. At one point Myers attempted to put an end to the tirade.

NBC beat him to the punch, cutting to a shot of actor Chris Tucker.

Other comments by West: "I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a black family, it says, "They're looting." You see a white family, it says, "They're looking for food." And, you know, it's been five days [waiting for federal help] because most of the people are black. And even for me to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite because I've tried to turn away from the TV because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I'm calling my business manager right now to see what is the biggest amount I can give, and just to imagine if I was down there, and those are my people down there. So anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help -- with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible. I mean, the Red Cross is doing everything they can. We already realize a lot of people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way -- and they've given them permission to go down and shoot us!"

Previously best known for producing hit singles for Alicia Keys, Jay-Z, and Ludacris, Kanye himself worked on a solo album for a long period of time, having the release pushed back time and time again. Due to his appearance and overall style, West struggled to find a way to get his own voice on record. Multiple record companies put him aside due to the fact that West is from the suburbs of Chicago, not a former 'street hustler' or even one that wears the orthodox hip-hop apparel. A car crash on October 23, 2002 left his jaw fractured in three places, with his mouth still wired shut and only weeks after having an encounter with death, Kanye West began recording "Through The Wire," reliving his near-fatal accident. "Through The Wire", which sampled Chaka Khan's classic track "Through The Fire", would eventually become his lead single from The College Dropout, which was released on Roc-a-Fella Records in February 2004.

Kanye West also has his own clothing line - "Pastel Clothing" , and his own record label - "GOOD Music" (an acronym for Getting Out Our Dreams), under which John Legend's platinum selling debut album Get Lifted has been released, along with Common's latest album - "Be". Other artists on his label include GLC, Consequence, and Farnsworth Bentley.

On August 30th, 2005, Kanye West released his second album Late Registration. "Diamonds (From Sierra Leone)" (which contained samples from Shirley Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever") and "Gold Digger", were the first two singles from Late Registration. West announced that his 3rd and 4th albums will be titled "Graduation" and "A Good Ass Job", respectively.

email these asswipes with your comments. :) spill@juiceenewsdaily.com

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U.S. agency blocks photos of New Orleans dead
Tue Sep 6, 2005 8:56 PM ET


NEW ORLEANS, Sept 6 (Reuters) - The U.S. government agency leading the rescue efforts after Hurricane Katrina said on Tuesday it does not want the news media to take photographs of the dead as they are recovered from the flooded New Orleans area.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency, heavily criticized for its slow response to the devastation caused by the hurricane, rejected requests from journalists to accompany rescue boats as they went out to search for storm victims.

An agency spokeswoman said space was needed on the rescue boats and that "the recovery of the victims is being treated with dignity and the utmost respect."

"We have requested that no photographs of the deceased be made by the media," the spokeswoman said in an e-mailed response to a Reuters inquiry.

The Bush administration also has prevented the news media from photographing flag-draped caskets of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq, which has sparked criticism that the government is trying to block images that put the war in a bad light.

The White House is under fire for its handling of the relief effort, which many officials have charged was slow and bureacratic, contributing to the death and mayhem in New Orleans after the storm struck on Aug. 29. (Additional reporting by Deborah Charles)

CELEBRITIES thoughts on KATRINA response
With celebrities like John Travolta, Macy Gray, Sean Penn, and Chris Rock lending a hand in the Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts, others are letting their words make their mark. Colin Farrell, Matt Damon, and Jamie Foxx are just a few famous faces who have publicly spoken out against the federal response to the disaster.

1.Colin Farrell told Access Hollywood, "If it was a bunch of white people in the Hamptons, I don't have any doubt there would have been every single helicopter, every plane, every means that the government has to help these people."
2.Jamie Foxx volunteered at a shelter for victims of Hurricane Katrina at the Dallas convention center and on yesterday's (September 6th) Oprah Winfrey Show, said he'll never forget a 62-year-old man's words about how Americans were mistreated in the aftermath of the storm: ["What he couldn't take was the blatant disregard for someone like your grandmother -- 80 years old, sitting there, nobody coming to help her. It should never happen. These people are Americans. Some of the things that have been said and everything has just been so sad, that we would treat our folk like this. And, it's a day I won't forget soon."]
3.Musician Harry Connick Jr., who waded through flooded New Orleans streets looking for stranded residents, said, "This is the United States and it's going to take me a long time to wrap by head around the fact that these people weren't helped sooner. It's not like they died in a hurricane, they died because they starved to death three or four days later in bright blue skies."
4.Sean Penn told Britain's GMTV, "There are people dying and the U.S. government is not putting the boats in the water, I think that's criminal negligence. I don't think anybody ever anticipated the criminal negligence of the Bush administration in this situation."
5.Matt Damon told Access Hollywood that he supported rapper Kanye West's comments about President Bush during NBC's Katrina benefit Friday (September 2nd), "The press doesn't ask the President any questions, so he never has to defend any of his policies. So this guy with his moment on live TV made a statement that, hopefully, now Bush will come out and address."
6.Matthew McConaughey ventured to a church shelter in Zachary, Louisiana that's housing 130 displaced people. As he said on the Oprah Winfrey Show, his experience there made him believe that the disaster should be about helping and sharing with others: ["I didn't necessarily understand the scope of it. I'm still trying to digest that. I think we're all going to have to digest for some time. There's so much work to do. The one thing that is pure about helping out with a tragedy like this is service, share what you have, and that's the best way we can help."]

Did more canning today, I canned peaches in peach wine. Yes, it tastes as good as it sounds. The wine has cinnimon sticks, cloves and brown sugar in it. Jessica said the house smelled like christmas. :)

On a Katrina note, I posted on the moveon.org site to allow a mother and child to come stay with us if they needed it! Initially Joe wasn't for it but when i mentioned it again today, he said "you know what baby, if it will make your heart happy, do it". So we'll see what happens, there are so many people offering, and so many of them are not in the sticks like we are, so maybe no one will call. But at leaset I feel ike I am offering something constructive.

General Promises ‘Little Somalia’ in New Orleans as Repression Arrives Before Relief
New Orleans on a hair-trigger

‘Stop the car right now,’ reporter told. `Back up, or I’ll shoot’
By Tim Harper
WASHINGTON BUREAU

09/02/05 “Toronto Star” — – NEW ORLEANS - I wheeled the car around and headed back to the scene of the shooting, looking for Toronto Star photographer Lucas Oleniuk, when the officer turned, spotted me and pointed the shotgun right at the windshield.

“Stop the car right now. Back up, or I’ll shoot,” he screamed.

A couple of others cocked their weapons and trained their guns on the car, purpose in their eyes. Instinctively, I raised my hands above the wheel and gunned the Pontiac in reverse over fallen tree limbs and debris in the street.

This was our indoctrination into a Big Easy that’ll never make a picture postcard.

Minutes earlier, as Oleniuk and I first saw downtown New Orleans looming after a long odyssey to get into the locked-down city, he shouted at me to stop when he spotted armed officers crouched behind a cruiser, training their guns on an apartment block.

His welcome to the besieged city came the second he left the vehicle when three shots rang out — a quick “pop-pop-pop.” Oleniuk stumbled behind a lamppost for protection and began shooting photos.

In seconds, as many as 40 officers sped to the scene, most in marked cars — but one in a Kinko’s van — some of whom set up behind Oleniuk, their guns aimed over his left shoulder.

Others, guns drawn, shouted at me to get out of the way.

Realizing he was in the line of fire, Oleniuk raced for cover behind a cruiser and worked alongside a group of police as they fired into the building.

After 15 minutes, the last of more than 350 images shot by Oleniuk depicted officers delivering a fierce beating to the two suspects, an assault so fearsome one of the suspects defecated.

Realizing their frontier justice had been captured for posterity, the police turned on the photographer, one ripping a camera from his neck with such force it broke its shoulder strap.

Another grabbed a second camera and, somewhere in the melee, Oleniuk’s press pass was ripped from his neck.

The officers fumbled with the cameras, finally pulling out the memory cards with the photos.

Oleniuk pleaded for the return of his cameras, was rebuffed, then, after retreating about a block, approached them again and asked for his cameras back.

One of the officers who had been hunkered down with Oleniuk during the 15-minute shootout said he could have his cameras, but when he asked again for his pictures, he was gruffly told: “If you don’t get your ass out of here, I’m going to break your motherf—ing jaw.”

In the chaos that is New Orleans, police menacingly pointed loaded weapons at me four times, and Oleniuk and I watched later when four officers armed with machineguns, after first demanding to know where we were going, turned on an approaching cab and screamed at the Hispanic driver to get his hands off the wheel or they’d open fire. When he wouldn’t do so immediately, it appeared for a split second that he would be shot on the spot.

Mercifully, his shaky hands finally appeared above the dash.

Because New Orleans is under martial law, police need no reason to stop and search anyone or pull them off the street. There’s no doubt they see journalists as an impediment to their efforts to regain control of their city. But they have also been shot by snipers and looters in the nighttime chaos, and anyone who drives through this city these days knows what it’s like to get a little twitchy.

As one navigates ravaged New Orleans from the east, through Kenner and Jefferson Parish, past the airport and toward the French Quarter, driving flooded streets till the filthy water gets too deep, then trying alternate routes, it is the human toll, not the physical toll, which worsens.

First, there is a single barefoot man walking aimlessly along Airline Highway. Then others slogging through the floodwaters of Metairie. Then families trudging dispiritedly along the roads of Kenner. Then, by the time you get to Napoleon and St. Charles in New Orleans, close to 100 sit silently in the middle of debris, watching the strange car navigate among the downed trees in their neighbourhood.

Later, down St. Charles, some try to stop you to ask for rides — “I have a baby …” — others glare sardonically, while others peer at the car blankly.

Through downtown, toward the French Quarter, the refugees congregate in groups of 10 or 20. Some have guns, some have crowbars or iron bars, and, mindful of carjackings, you dispense with the hurricane etiquette of treating darkened intersections as four-way stops.

When you park on Canal St. to get a sense of the enormity of the refugee flow as people come down the Interstate overpass, many pushing shopping carts or luggage racks, you sense the desperation. You park close to where others are parked and you regret that you can’t pack them all in your backseat and get them out of there.

And you wonder where the relief workers are.
—————————————————————

In related new Brig. Gen. Gary Jones, commander of the Louisiana National Guard’s Joint Task Force told Army Times Friday (http://www.armytimes.com/story.php?f=1-292925-1077495.php ) as hundreds of armed troops under his charge prepared to launch a massive citywide security mission from a staging area outside the Louisiana Superdome. “We’re going to go out and take this city back. This will be a combat operation to get this city under control.” “This place is going to look like Little Somalia,”

Or for video detailing the dire situatuon check the video, “We have been abandoned in our own country” http://videos.informationclearinghouse.info/JeffersonParrishMTP.wmv

11am - My business partner sent me this link:

http://gorillamask.net/kanyebush.shtml

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after viewing it all I can say is wow...that was amazing....now, lets see what happens to kanye....is he too large of a figure to wind up dead like so many other people who have spoken out publicly against bush, or will he get shot in a drive by, or in some car accident or take a drug overdose?

I'm really glad to see he had the balls to say something like that, quite frankly, I thought he was a pompous little pansy boy and can't stand the sight of his face or the sound of his voice, but he's gained a new respect in my eyes because everything he said is absolutley true. They have sent troops down there with permission to shoot first and ask questions later, and are told that the people down there that have guns are to be shot on sight.

and this is america.

and faggot ass bush, flying around in his little airplane, looking down from on high at his people suffering...I'm glad people saw this and i'm glad he didnt do anything, perhaps this will show him....finally....for the coward he is.

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1pm - follow up:


Kanye West Goes At President Bush For Delayed Katrina Relief
By Miles Bennett
Saturday - September 3, 2005
Kanye West
Photo Credit: Roc-A-Fella

On Friday, Kanye West surprised viewers of "A Concert for Hurricane Relief" -- a live benefit concert that aired on NBC -- when he lashed out at President George W. Bush and the government for racism against African American survivors of Hurricane Katrina.

West suggested that delays in providing relief to the people of New Orleans were deliberate, and that America was set up to help black people and the less fortunate as slow as possible.

"George Bush doesn't care about black people," West said during the live show.

West joined comedian Mike Myers on stage, where he refused to read the teleprompter, instead expressed his disgust for the way the media has portrayed some of the black people in New Orleans.

"I hate the way they portray [African Americans] in the media," said West. "If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food.

"We already realized a lot of the people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way, and they've given them permission to go down and shoot us."

The rapper was referring to the shoot-on-sight orders issued to National Guard troops to halt violence and looting in New Orleans.

NBC released a statement saying that West's comments in no way represent the views of the networks, and that he chose not to read the comments that were prepared for him.

"It would be most unfortunate," the statement read, "if the efforts of the artists who participated tonight and the generosity of millions of Americans who are helping those in need are overshadowed by one person's opinion."

The show was on a tape delay, but the person in charge of censoring was only looking for profane words and didn't know that West was not following his script, according to reports.

West's comments were edited out of the West Coast airing of the show, which was broadcast three hours later.

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1:45pm - more follow up


Kanye West explodes in record sales despite Republican backlash and censorship
from playahata.com


Censorship is what took place when NBC started distancing itself from West minutes after his appearance. Telethon host Matt Lauer noted that “emotions in this country right now are running very high. … We’ve heard some [criticism] tonight, but it’s still part of the American way of life.”Then NBC promptly proceeded to cut West remarks from West Coast viewing audiences who had not yet seen the telethon. Nor was West the only performer on “A Concert for Hurricane Relief” to make such a criticism, although others were more veiled. Another African-American performer and a resident of New Orleans, Aaron Neville, performed Randy Newman’s soulful ballad “Louisiana 1927,” which includes the haunting chorus, “They’re trying to wash us away.”

Kanye West’s outspoken criticism of President Bush’s response to Hurricane Katrina has become one of the most controversial statements by a popular artist in primetime for American audiences since Sinead O’Connor tore up a picture of the pope on “Saturday Night Live” in 1992 . His appearance on the cover of Time Magazine has helped to spawn cd sales and the college rapper theme has went on to surpass almost all of the rappers who claim gangsterism as a theme. The outspoken Kanye West whose album Late Registration is doing much better than expected may be experiencing a surge in sales due to his controversial and timely diss of President Bush . The College Dropout was one of last years best selling albums in all music genres according to http://www.billboard.com/bb/charts/album_index.jsp but it looks like his new album Late Registration is going to shatter those numbers. As of press time Late Registration is scheduled to sell about 825,000 CD’s in its first week.

Ironically despite backlash by some Republican bloggers and pundits. West has received support for his comments from many on traditionally republican sites such as Redstate.org , the polls on the site support West Comments despite commentry that would seek to censure him from the redstate site editors.

Voices from the Katrina disaster on Breakdown FM with Kanye re-mix. New Orleans rappers and local analysis.
If you have speakers on your computers you want to hear this.

A friend of mine sent me this email, and I thought it was amazing.

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A picture began circulating in November. It should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the Decade." It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it. The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by a surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if
removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." (the picture is a litle graphic, so if you have a weak stomach, you may not want to look)

The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life." Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person." Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful. Now see the actual picture, and it is awesome .. incredible ... and hey, pass it on. The world needs to see this one!




There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Katharine Hepburn
You scored 23% grit, 14% wit, 57% flair, and 21% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people of your age and gender:

You scored higher than 50% on grit

You scored higher than 9% on wit

You scored higher than 95% on flair

You scored higher than 40% on class

Link: The Classic Dames Test

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heyyyy...I got grit, hahaha.

......thats how my day was. I got my wi-fi router in the mail and it set up with flying colors. now i can use my laptop anywhere inside or outside the house and be able to get online with no cords. You dont know how happy this makes e, not to be tied/chained to a desk all day!!! this enables me to work in any room of the house, in the yard...I even used it today at my neighbors.

Speaking of which, i'm house sitting. They went to Cape Cod for the holiday, to go on their friends boat, and asked us to house-sit. That meant a lot to me because they moved in about 3 weeks after we did, and we only know them now for about 2 mos, that shows a lot of trust. I guess she should trust me though, when she signed her son Joey, up for school, she couldnt get aftercare for him (he's 8) and so I offered to let the bus drop him here after school. She gets off about an hour after that, so it's not so bad. Her son is a little, umm how should I put this...special? He's intensly into YuGiOh (spelling?) and cartoon network, he dresses like a power ranger in his spare time (i thought power rangers were outdated?) and spider man, depending on how he feels. He's very precocious and spoiled, extremlely good looking, and has his heads in the cloud. I called him peter pan the other day and Joe almost peed on hisself laughing. Jessica and him (joey) actually look like brother and sister.

So the house sitting consists of feeding and watering, the dog, three tropical birds (one of which sways back and forth like stevie wonder, the other screams at the top of his lungs constantly and the third scream "what?" over and over again, two guinie pigs, and a hamster. Seems like a lot, but it's not really and jessica enjoys doing it. The other responsibility is the oh-so-terrible task of swimming in their beautiful inground pool. Ha...I stayed in that pool almost 6 hours...my toes and fingers looked like raisins. Dont know if i ever mentioned how much I love swimming...I used to love the ocean, until I started going to the lake, then i fell in love with the lake...I love floating and swiming, and the ocean has such fluctuating temps, and lots of sea creatures that could really screw up your day, particularly stingers, which after seeing my cousins leg, I'd rather not experience. Anyway, lakes and pools...thats my thing..celeste used to tell me i was worse than the kids, she used to have to ask me to get out the water more than them....I cant wait till I can get a pool put in. When I do, I'm going to have a once a year women's retreat for some of my female friends and some of the female associates I've worked/work with.

I plan on sleeping late tomorrow...making a nice breakfast for me and Joe and spend the whole day in the pool. Jess is leaving with Joes cousin MeeMee to go to the lake...(yeah, this really wasn't the weekend for punishment, but MeeMee is going to do her hair for school, so if she goes with her and they decide to go to the lake, Jess has to go, and I can't ake MeeMee put her on punishment...I mean I could, but it would make everyone miserable and I wouldnt even be there.) So i think Joe's going to move her punishment to next weekend, only jess doesnt know it yet. wicked.

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I did some canning yesterday and today, I made Pear-Applesauce, about 20 pears and 2 bags of apples and only got 4 quarts of it, which jessica could wipe out in a week, except i threatened her with death. (wondering if I only got 4 quarts cause she was already in it...hmmm...something to think about, she's a sneaky lil wench) Her, Pharoah, Tyquan and Eli used to eat it as fast as I could make it, there wasn't even a point to canning it, it would be gone so soon...I eventually just wound up putting it in the fridge instead of going thru the whole canning process.

Today we made about 12 containers of homemade salsa, fresh tomatoes, onions, cilantro, jalepeno's....it's going to be delish when winter gets here to taste those summer tomatoes.

So...I was reading back on some of my older posts, since I hadn't written in so long. I mean it's been almost a year exactly since the last time I wrote. One post in particular, struck me. I asked for this situation last year, and it is exactly the situation I have right now.

I have always, since I was a little girl, wanted a place with land, a pool, maybe a horse or two, dogs, cats....basically a country sort of life....away from people, unless I wanted to be near them, and I always assumed this would be something I could get when I got "older". Either I'm "older" now (and at 38 I dread to think it, lol, or I managed to do something a lot of people dont get to do...realize my dream. Now dont get me wrong, Im not living high off the hog, there are many things I need right now that I cant get, a lawn mower for one would be nice. It's mostly things relating to the outdoors that I need that a family coming from the city would be so clueless about. I was so concerned that we wouldnt be able to close on the house that I wasn't even thinking about a lawn mower, lol.

But I have just what I asked for, 3 acres of land, I could throw a rock and not hit anyones house....I have more space than I know what to do with, 13 rooms.....we now have two cats, Mia and Dill....three puppies, Napoleon, Spider Man and Scout....two goldfish, Oscar and Peanut, and at some point, we hope to have a horse and a pool, but in the meantime, we have wonderful neighbors with an in ground pool, who have extended an open invitation and we go often. I even watch their 8 year old son Joey after school.

I know I said I wanted crickets, and I got them in spades...those suckers are noisy as hell! This one gets underneath my window every night and sings his little heart out, but if I could find him, boy......I'd beat him senseless.

Jessica, after being homeschooled for the past two years is back in the public school system. It's taking her a little time to get acclimated, but I'm sure she'll be ok. She's doing great in every class except for gym....and she's having a little trouble staying orginized, but her teachers are strict, she's on punishement this whole weekend for not finishing an assignement. Like I said, Im sure she'll be ok. lol

It really sucks that she's on punishement this weekend because im house sitting the neighbors pool...er, i mean house, and I planned to spend every waking oment in that sucker, but she screwed that up, how am i supposed to sit in the pool all day now knowing she's miserable....mothers guilt...sucks.

This Katrina has wreaked unbelivable havoc. Utterly the worst I know of in the US besides the thousands of Native American and Africans killed, but that wasn't a natural disaster was it? I haven't written in I don't know how long and so much has happened that during this crisis I'd feel like an idiot blathering about my own problems or events....

Looking at the news has bought me to tears on more than one occasion, this one young couple was so worried about her father who refused to leave with them, and talked the newspeople into bringing them to see if he was ok....when they pulled up to the house, he was out on the deck, and the girl just screamed "DADDY"....he waved his arms and she yelled "I got you daddy!". It was so sweet.

I keep trying to think of a way that I can help....sending money seems to be the quickest fix, but to who? so many reports are saying that there are so many people who STILL have had no help, many people stranded, hungry thirsty and i tlooks like no help forthcoming. Where is the red cross, where is Bush (dummy flies over and looks down on his people), where is the help....and if I give money how do I know its going to help?

I've heard that there are many people going on craigslist.org and offering rooms in their house...I menntioned it to Joe and he was like "I don't think so", lol. Then my daughter was like why not....I think its something that I would do, my heart is like that, but growing up in the "hood" Joe always thinks the worst. "what if they rob you?", "What if they rob you and leave in the middle of the night", "what if they call other people and open the door in the middle of the night for them to rob you", "what if they call other people and open the door in the middle of the night so they can rob you and kill you in your sleep"? Something to think about I guess, sure knocks the wind out of helping in that way though. I'd like to think if you did something like that you would be protected just by the positive energy that something like that would incur....Joe would tell me I'm "living with the fairies" again. Thats what he tells me when he thinks I'm dreaming or not being realistic, lol.

But it still brings me back to my original thought...what to do? I saw many babies with just diapers on, lots of people with no shoes....collect these things? Then how to get them to the people. I think everyone is probably thinking like I a, with no thought of how to go about doing these things. Lemme sleep on it, I know I'll come up with something.